Thursday, June 28, 2007


My son is two months old now and occasionally when he's crying nothing consoles him like a nice rubbery pacifier. It makes no sense to me because otherwise he's fine but at those times he'll cry unless he's got his pacifier. I realize that this pacifier is his equivalent of my toy robot hobby. It keeps me happy when the horrible reality of life and the pointlessness of existence gets to me. But then what happens when his pacifier becomes the source of his upsettedness, as drowning in toy robots has become for me? I figured I should intervene before my son's hobby becomes a source of depression like mine has. I will do what has helped me lately with my extra toy robots and I will take his pacifier and put it up on ebay.

I'm still feeling a little down about missing out on Botcon although it's the most sane thing to do from a financial and mental perspective. I wonder if there is a baby equivalent of Botcon where a bunch of babies get together and suck pacifiers together. I wonder if at Babycon the babies would buy and trade pacifiers and write stories about them and invite people from the pacifier companies to speak about what new pacifiers are coming out next year. I wonder if a Japanese baby sold rare Japanese pacifiers at Babycon, would he make a lot of money? But of course babies do not partake in these pacifier related distractions, which makes them infinitely more mature and sane than I am.

I guess that's why I miss being at the shared participatory fan experience that is Botcon. We all sucked our pacifiers together. This weekend I'll be missing the feeling of validation I got from hanging around people who were just as crazy into toy robots as me. People who knew what I was talking about when I said I'm looking for a "Big Daddy". Even though I knew it wasn't normal to be buying toy robots well into my thirties, at Botcon I felt better being around people older than me with gigantic collections. Compared to them, I was nothing in terms of fandom or fanaticism. I guess I liked being both understood and at the same time being a small fish in a big pond. There's some whales there at Botcon.

Years ago I used to feel real bad when I missed out on concerts because I had to be working that night or some other schedule conflict prevented me from going. When the time came around that the concert was happening and I was stuck at work I really obsessed about what may be happening and it got me down. But concerts were only three hours long and I was able to recover from concert depression by the next day. Hell, Botcon is five days! I'm feeling every minute of it, but being with my son helps a lot. He's just a baby and there's really nothing going on in his head, but whenever he looks at me and smiles I feel like he's telling me everything's going to be alright. He has become my refuge from the storm of toy robot induced insanity. It's the greatest feeling ever just being around him. Unfortunately when his mom comes home she wants to be all holding him too and I have to give my pacifier up for a little while.

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