Monday, December 31, 2007

My top ten (or eleven) best toy robots of 2007, but only the first five (or six)

2007 was the year that I looked back on my plastic robots collecting hobby and wondered WTF was I thinking. I questioned not why I was doing it, but why I was doing it so badly. My robot room was thematically disjointed and looked like a random robots junkyard. Not only was it messy, but there really wasn't anything special about what I had. Instead of it being a tribute to the greatest toy robots ever made, my collection looked more like a tribute to the last 20 years of the Wal-Mart toy aisle. So I decided to get rid of a lot of crap and really focus on building the kind of collection someone with an extreme case of Roboplastico-Monofranchise-tosis should have.

I technically consider myself retired from robot collecting and I thought that nothing good would be coming out in 2007 anyways so there'd be no danger of wanting to spend money on new stuff. Instead, 2007 ended up being one of the most fantastic robot years ever for me and I blew a lot of money on new stuff. It was new stuff with an old school feel, though. In the case of toys like Masterpiece Megatron, it was new stuff based on old stuff. 2007 ended up being the year of toy robots that should have come out 20 years ago but that I'm kind of glad they didn't. Saying I wish toys like Masterpiece Megatron came out 20 years ago is like saying I wish I was having sex when I was ten. It would have been mind-blowing but I wouldn't have been ready for it and I wouldn't have been good enough to know what I was doing anyways.

This then is my list of the top ten best robots of 2007. Or more accurately, the ten best toy robots I acquired in 2007 that also came out in 2007. There were tons of other robots out there but I didn't buy those so I can't judge stuff I didn't feel compelled enough to own in the first place. I did get around to buying some really nice other robots like MP-04 Convoy but those were released in 2006. This is just my list of the ten best robots from 2007 that came out in 2007 and it ended up having 11 robots in it.

Number ten-Movie Bumblebees
The biggest Transformers related event of the past 20 years was the live action movie this summer but I'm not really a fan of the character designs so I ended up only buying a two-pack of Bumblebees. The Target exclusive "Evolution of a Hero" set comes in at number ten in my best robots of 2007 because transforming robot Camaros have long been a masturbation fantasy of mine. Actually I think they're pretty horrible toys but it was about time they combined my brown trash dream car with my favorite crazy yellow robot. I give them bonus points for the "custom faded" paint jobs. $19.99 at Target

Number nine-Pepsi Prime
I will never forget all the horrible diet Pepsi I had to drink and all the dumpster diving my sister did so I could win this from Mountain Dew's "Transform Your Summer" contest. 2007 Pepsi whore Optimus Prime comes in at number nine because of the fond memories I'll have and the shame I'll feel after totally selling myself out and falling for a cheap advertising campaign. $24.99 at or free for dedicated mindless consumer zombies

Number eight-The Fallen
Speaking of falling for cheap marketing ploys, Hasbro made a toy that looks nothing at all like the comic book character it's supposed to represent and I bought it anyway. Number eight in my list of best robots of 2007 is The Fallen from Hasbro's Transformers Titanium line. The Fallen's body actually looks more like Megatron from the recent Megatron Origin comic painted black with orange flames. It really bears very little resemblance to the Fallen character. I say this should have been Megatron but I'm enough of a fan of the comics to fall for anything. $14.99 at Target

Number seven-Totally clear, totally bootleg G1 Mirage
Normally I ignore all the bootleg Transformers stuff because I already have the originals but holy hetrodyne this year they came out with a friggin' clear plastic Mirage. This is one of those that I halfheartedly wish came out officially 20 years ago. On one hand it would have been a fantastic variant but on the other, I would have probably broke it all to hell like I did the rest of my childhood toy robots.$74.95 from Doufaceb's Hobby Store

Number six-WalMart Masterpiece Starscream
This isn't a toy, it's a torture device meant to sever the communicative link between my brain and my hands. It's so hard to find and it falls apart so much during transformation that I think this is the Hasbro equivalent of an improvised explosive device. I swear it is impossible to get everything to fit together correctly and I even put a dent in the head trying to push the jet mode all in place. Shoji Kawamori has transcended the boundaries of toy robot design by making a Transformer that doesn't transform and I am too stupid to understand his brilliance. But it's a really pretty robot and also OMGVHTFSUPERRAREIWANTITEXCLUSIVE so it comes in at number six.$48.88 at Wal-Mart


Anonymous said...

You must have hit teh holiday bubbly early if you would have teh movie Bumblebee on your list without even a mention to the original Bumblebee VW bug.

I guess nostalgia is no match for a masturbation "fantasy."

Besides that oversight, good stuff ... thanks for writing and providing consistently entertainment mingled with some deep, profound tidbits. Happy New Year.


Naladahc said...

Er... the original VW Bumblebee wasn't exactly a 2007 toy.

Heavyarms said...

Guess I have to add you to my list of "I hate this person because they've managed to find Walscream in the wild."

I've been to Wal-Mart probably an average of three times a week for the last three months (not kidding, there's one about 30 seconds from where I work) and have yet to see one. My brother called me Friday and said he found one. On clearance. I hate him. I hate you all.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

They're at right now!

Weasel said...

Believe it or not, *I* actually didn't write that first post. (Shocking, I know.)

I COULD take you to task for putting my sweet little Bee at TEN, you heartless bastard, but then I figured "um, maybe a FAPPING WISH *SHOULD* be as out-of-sight as possible."

Happy new year, you sick robo-puppy.

Heavyarms said...

I saw that they had them at (I had also been checking there daily, as well.) Looks like they posted them online right after I got off the intarwebs that night, they were sold out when I checked online the next day at work.

The worst part is, I kept checking all day to see if they would be listed as in stock. They actually did, so I ordered one right away. The next morning, I got an e-mail saying that it was backordered and if they couldn't fill the order within 10 days, it would be automatically cancelled.

They have never shown up in Louisiana, I've had people checking all over the state. Guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and feed the eBaY monster.


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.