Thursday, August 02, 2007

I am not collecting toy robots, I am operating a bizarrely complex catch and release program with toy robots

I really admire this "Will it Blend" guy because he at least has a plan for what he's going to do with all the crap he buys. This is unlike myself in my twenties, who just would buy stuff without any thought of where I'd put it or the damage I was doing to the space-time continuum. When the time came to finally put all my roboplasticos together in one room after a lifetime of collecting, the resulting super dense mass of die cast parts almost caved in on itself and created a black hole. I swear if I had bought one more robot I would have disappeared South Dakota.

What was I doing? Whatever it was I wasn't doing it effectively. I think moving around constantly over the last ten years contributed to my problem. I never had to worry about how much stuff I was accumulating because I never had it all in one place. I would just leave the bulk of my collection with my mom in Texas while I lived in different places buying more toy robots and sticking them in storage or taking them with me to the next place. Now that I finally have a place to put it all, I understand the enormity of my consumption and I'm trying to right the wrongs of the last decade of excessive roboplastico accumulation. I know one collector with over 5,000 toy robots. Not coincidentally, I also know a guy that lives in his bathroom because his house is full of 5,000 toy robots. I will avoid that fate!

I find myself really anxious and upset as I'm getting my collection sorted and organized for the first time in since forever. Why should getting it presentable like I always dreamed be giving me anxiety attacks? I have this suspicion that cleaning it up means I have to confront what I've done with my time and money over the past 20 years. For once I will be face to face with all I have bought. I am Luke Skywalker going into the tree cave on Dagobah. I sense there is evil in my laundry room and I must confront it.

Getting rid of stuff on ebay has at times been therapeutic. I used to cower in fear every time I stepped into the robot room but now I enter those hallowed halls a conqueror. I can feel their little plastic robot eyes trembling, wondering if they'll be next. It's given me a measure of control over my robots but on the other hand I find myself questioning why I ever bought them in the first place if all I was going to do years later was sell them off. Oh well, there's no sense in trying to guess why I have countless Combaticons, multiple Megatrons, plentiful Primes and too many Terrorcons. Selling the extras off really isn't going to kill me and I think I can cope with not being the king of all robot collections.


naladahc said...

I had an extremely therapeutic moment today.

Since I moved out of my parents house in 1988 I've been dragging around some remnants of my childhood toys that survived: an original Millenium Falcon with all the bits missing, an original X-Wing fighter with everything missing, and and original land speeder with a broken seat.

I've dragged these broken incomplete things around through college, grad school, the scary Dark Ages of my early 20s, through my return to somewhat normalacy, to my buying a house, and now to selling the house.

I just looked at them, realized they just move and collect dust, and I through them in the trash today.

I think this is very healthy.

Finally. Some progress.

Obviously, from you comments on The Crack, you know I've made major progress on attic demolition.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I'm in the same boat, except trade the Landspeeder for an At-At and instead of with me, they're at my mom's house. She's the one who won't let go and I guess since technically she paid for them all those years ago they're hers. But I wish she'd let go. I bought another Falcon back in '99 or so to replace my childhood one, but knowing my original still exists all broken and incomplete and barely "alive" makes me wish I could put it out of its misery.


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.