Sunday, July 08, 2007

It's gotta be something really special to suck that bad

Holy crap what was up with that scene where Bumblebee fucked with the Jesus? I found myself oddly aroused by the sight of a big yellow robot peeing on John Toturro. Well played, Micheal Bay. Transfomers movie marketing has attempted to encroach on every other aspect of waking life with shirts, cars, blankets and bedsheets and all sorts of other non-toy merchandise-it might as well take over sexual fetishism, too. Quick! Somebody somebody start a perverty website called and put tons of pictures of Bumblebee peeing on people.

Is it just me or is it politically incorrect now to critisize this movie? I really don't understand people who don't understand people who don't like Michael Bay or this movie. I don't feel the need to justify why I think it's garbage and I'm pretty satisfied letting the suck speak for itself. But if you want to read some well thought out opinions that mirror my feelings, go check out Botch the Crab's review and Lamazoid's writeup on the movie.

However, I would like to say that Ian T. McFarland is an extremist moron. At first I thought claims of death threats against Michael Bay were fabrications conjured up by movie supporters to discredit those with opposing viewpoints. How serious could you take the opinion of anyone who would say or write something as retarded as a Michael Bay death threat? I thought surely nobody would be stupid enough to publicly threaten the life of a director doing a movie about toy robots. But holy crap McFarland takes the cake with his review titled "I want to murder Michael Bay". Doesn't he realize this movie legitimizes the liking of toy robots and consequently Michael Bay is helping thousands of young geeks like him to see vagina for the first time? What an idiot!

In the end this movie is just not for me. I guess I'm a little too old to appreciate jokes about pee and masturbation my science fiction movies. I am reminded of the feeling I got when they put poop references in the Star Wars prequels. Pudu anyone? Writing aside, I hope this new vision so totally supplants the old ways that from now on a flat nosed Optimus Prime is no longer considered the definition of the character. I hope over the top stereotypes like Jazz was in this movie continue to pass as characters in the sequels. That way my generation of Transformers can die off with some dignity and I can give up hope of ever seeing the 'serious' Transformer movie I wished for. Dumber concepts have been treated more seriously by Hollywood. I find myself envious of every taken-seriously Superman movie ever made, and he's a guy that flies around in bright red and blue underwear with a big S on his chest.

There are positives. This movie makes it more socially acceptable to be a robot nerd who is a) young, b) good looking and c) living with his parents. That's great but most of the robot nerds I know only meet one of those criteria (and I don't mean a or b). What I want is a movie that makes slutty Megan Fox wannabe girls start lusting after overweight guys in their thirties who buy toy robots. That would be impressive. And I guess one other good thing is that could make me a friggin' internet millionaire.


naladahc said...

Hmmm... I do have plenty of bandwidth and storage on my servers.

Can you supply me a constant stream of urination content?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

That is the most fantastically bizarre question I have ever read on any blog.

naladahc said...

But of course.


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