Tuesday, March 23, 2010

ULTIMATE TOY ROBOTS FAN CHALLENGE SUPER QUIZ: "Transformer character or awesome name for a bong?"!!!

I don't do drugs but as a Transformer fan I've survived Generation 2 and seen Revenge of the Fallen so I got the stoners beat when it comes to experiencing mind melting distorted realities where colors, sound and time are molesting each other. I've never smoked a marijuana but there's no way whatever it does could possibly come close to the sweet sweet brain damage that is watching a Michael Bay Transformer movie. Marijuana enthusiasts may feel I am selling myself short for not even trying but I've never heard anyone describe getting high as being like if space aliens abducted your brain and used it for fuel in their transforming UFO sex robot, which is exactly what watching Michael Bay movies is like.


The only way I can explain the popularity of the second Transformer movie is that the billions of people who do drugs found out watching Revenge of the Fallen was like being on acid for two and a half hours. I always suspected there was enormous overlap between the stoner and toy robots fans demographics and now 400 million dollars later I'm absolutely certain. Hasbro understands this and lately they've been trying really hard to appeal to the large number of potheads that have made their toy robots movies so popular. So I was not surprised when I went to Target once and saw a Transformer that looked like it turned into some sort of awesome flaming Cybertronian space bong. Then I looked at the names of the other Transformers on the shelves from their Revenge of the Fallen line and saw how much marijuana culture had overtaken Hasbro's toy robot naming department. Back when I was a kid Transfomrer names conveyed one of three themes: a) that you were a fast robot b) that you were a violent robot and/or c) that you were a yellow robot. Nowadays Transformer names convey that the only rolling these robots do has nothing to do with turning into a car. And that's when it hit me! IT'S TIME FOR AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME SHOW!

Transformer CharacterAwesome Bong Name 
High Tower
Bongplug Witwicky
Burning The Fallen
Optimus Bong
Devastation Blast Long Haul

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