Tuesday, November 20, 2007

WERE IS TEH OUTRAGE? or: Four star and twenty years ago

After exposing the scandalously bad reporting of one particular Thoroughly Informative Transformers Themed Internet Entertainment site, I was expecting the national news media to pounce all over this. Where is the Smoking Gun with an expose on the toy robots reporters? Where is Oprah Winfrey crying about putting TFormers in her favorites? Where is the revised Wikipedia article on United States journalism scandals? Where is the PleaseSaveMeRobots movie based on my life starring Rob Thomas as me? WTF, people? I can only conclude that there is a mainstream media conspiracy to cover up the truth that Autobot Cars cost like 10 bucks back in '84. Why? Who gives a shit?! Obviously this is what's happening.

Circus World 04 Dec 1985
As my disappointment over not having won a Pulitzer Prize subsided, I started listening to The Greatest Movie Ever Podcast review of the animated TF:TM and the 25 year old host said Optimus Prime cost 60 bucks back in the eighties! Holy crap is that wrong. And it really sucks because when I hear stuff like that, a part of me dies-that part of me being thousands of sperms dying in my testes.

In my advanced age I have lost not just countless sperms, but also the motivation to internet argue with the youngsters who are infinitely more witty (and wrong) than me because I would rather use my time to do more productive things like watch Galaxy Rangers music videos on YouTube and read about how Darth Vader is gay. I'm starting to not give a crap what the kids think they remember their mom paid for their Optimus Prime bubble bath. I started the VSTP long before I started getting annoyed by the internet twentysomethings with false memory syndrome talking authoritatively about toy robots released when they were three years old. I do it not for them, but because I am the Indiana Jones of toy robots ads, going on adventures braving crabby librarians as I search for of the holy grail of twenty year old toy robots ads. Also because I secretly hope that reading all of those old newspapers will magically transport me back in time to 1975 so I can audition for the part of Luke Skywalker.

Yet somehow despite my aged decrepitude I found the strength to put up 62 new ads at the Vintage Space Toaster Palace this weekend. In addition to adding 16 new ads to Transformers 1984, I was able to make small sections for GoBots, Starriors and Four Star Transistor robots. There's also one new Galactic Man ad, three new Kronoform robot watch ads and 14 new Voltron ads. You can find the new stuff by heading over to the VSTP and Ctrl+F yourself for "Houston" or "Fort Lauderdale". Coming in the next VSTP update will be sections for Max Steele's RoboForce and a buttload of miscellaneous robots, including a blurry Zoids ad from 1983. I've also got about three dozen more ads for Transformers 1985 and 1986 to put up, too. I hope the next time some kid decides to make up these bizarre price estimates on 20 year old toy robots they'll try to do some research first, lest I become completely sterile.


naladahc said...

$19.99 is $60 in today's dollars.

See. Easy.


Heavyarms said...

Dude, Rob Thomas? No way! They would totally cast Lou Diamond Phillips as you. And he'd have to wear that wig he wore in Young Guns to get the hair right.

Anonymous said...

Why do you htink I'm hold up in my little Internet hobbit hole? It's not for the awesome cuisine, that's for sure.

As for casting you. Just put a wig on Hayden Christensen and it's you, only taller.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

$60 today dollars! Dang I was giving it an honest try trying to decode where that 60 bucks figure came from. I tried converting to yen, pesos and Turkish lira. I forgot that punching holes in the space/time continuum was an option.

Rob said...

I don't know about $60, but I do remember Transformers being very expensive in the mid and late 1980s. The small Transformers like Bumblebee and Wheelie were around $10, but the bigger, boxed Transformers were around $40, at least in the stores my family went to in northern NJ.

My parents bought an Autobot Monsterbot for me after one of my good report cards and it was $40.

If I remember correctly, Omega Supreme was somewhere around $100 one Christmas. The Devastator party set was expensive, too.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

You're killing me, Rob. All the ads I've ever found for the toys you mentioned always have them at 1/2 to 1/3 of the prices you remember. $100 for Omega Supreme is extremely steep, and I've found ads that show at one point BEST was clearancing Devastator giftsets for $15. Unless New Jersey retailers competitively jacked up their prices in some sort of secret pricing conspiracy I don't see how it's possible they could have so blatantly inflated the usual MSRP. I would love to spend an evening at a New Jersey library and see what I'd find by way of ads.


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.