Saturday, August 11, 2007

Stop busting my bows!

While the news media distracts us with stories of stock markets and global warmings and Iraqs, sinister forces have been at work hoping we won't notice their nefarious deeds! I listen to a lot of baby music now that I'm a dad and one thing I've noticed is how politically correct a lot of the songs have become. While we were preoccupied by healthcare and the war on drugs, the sinister forces have been changing the lyrics to baby music! On one CD I have, they changed the lyrics to the 'Rock A Bye Baby' song from how I remember them:


De-pussification training: Start early
"When the bow breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all."

To:

"When the bow breaks the cradle will fly
And up will drift baby into the sky."

What the hell? Why did they do this? What is so horrible about the first version? Are they afraid of damaging the delicate psyches of babies that have no comprehension in the first place? Since when did babies become such pansies that we had to make all the nursery rhymes safe and non threatening? This is total baby pussification mind control if you ask me. I have decided to combat these negative influences by coming up with my own lyrics! Whenever I'm putting the Prince of Macrocrania to sleep I now sing this much more manly version:

"When the bow breaks the cradle will fall
So don't let those fuckers bust on your bows!"

6 comments:

Heavyarms said...

And those big Tonka trucks are made out of plastic instead of metal. And Stormtrooper rifles and made out of rubber-bendy plastic. And Optimus Prime has "tardo" stacks. And I'm pretty sure they started to take the transfats out of Oreos. It's what Walton and Johnson call the Pussification of America.

Artoo Convoy said...

I blame society. They just won't leave any of us alone. We should be islands unto ourselves, nary letting another island interfere with how our islands go about... what the hell was I talking about?

I guess I'll go the easy route. I agree with you.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Wow, Heavyarms. That post reads like poetry!

Boy Richard I am so glad your blogspot page redirects to your Yahoo 360 page. I couldn't figure out how to comment on your blog just via the geocities interface. Now that I know about the Y360 version I'll be able to finally comment.

Artoo Convoy said...

Glad to finally fix that. I totally forgot I had a blogger account or I prolly wouldn't have bothered with Y360, but I got a good thing going now.

So, comment away!!!

Weasel said...

You haven't heard the redone prayer, have you?

You may have recited this as kid:
"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

Well, those last two lines went bye-bye. Any toy that recites that prayer says: "May angels watch me through the night, until I see the morning's light." No death, no soul-taking, just sweetness, goodness and light.

It's that damn prayer! That whole death thing mentally screwed me up! My parents oughta pay for my thearpy bills! This is their fault! (I kid, I kid... about the therapy part anyway. I born mentally screwed up, as far as I can tell.)

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I like the Dave Mustaine version!

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.