Friday, August 31, 2007

Ballad of the Defeatist Completist

Let me tell you my story of collecting elitisim.
Of how nothing good happened when my goal was completism.

I am the defeatist completist.
I collect the robots until it's no fun.
And when I've almost caught them all-
That's when I sell my collection.

"I want my geewun back!" I once demanded without apology,
I wanted old skool toy robots with today's toy technology.

"They should remake all those old robots again and once more!"
Oh how I should have been careful what it was I wished for.

So they brought back those "Classics" and it was cause for celebration.
Because the Transformers from the eighties had very little articulation.

I am the defeatist completist.
I collect the robots until it's no fun.
And when I've almost caught them all-
That's when I sell my collection.

Looking back I had thought my child self dumb
because I didn't care enough to own every last one.
But buying only what I liked was not what I'd become.
Collecting ALL the robots is much easier with adulty income.

One by one they showed up, my classic old friends with fancy new modes.
I was ready with the money and I bought them by the caseloads.

They even made Starscream and Skywarp-they'd make the other jets I knowed.
But how those other seekers came about made my head friggin' explode.

I am the defeatist completist.
I collect the robots until it's no fun.
And when I've almost caught them all-
That's when I sell my collection.

When I almost got them all, the difficulty did worsen.
To want a complete set I must have been a crazy person.

Just when I was almost there-hey I was no robots collecting slacker-
they made a Botcon exclusive out of Classics Thundercracker.

Along with Dirge and Thrust and the rest of the boys.
No way in hell I'd pay over three hundred for only five toys.

I am the defeatist completist.
I collect the robots until it's no fun.
And when I've almost caught them all-
That's when I sell my collection.

"Screw this Classics crap!" I screamed, and then I vowed
to sell off my collection with a low Buy-It-Now.

I know you're not supposed to ever say never
But all I wanted was to forget my failed robot endeavor.

Never being complete may be easy for Tyler Durden,
but knowing all that's out there is a really heavy burden.

And so I found myself following the advice of Stephen Wright-
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

I am the defeatist completist.
I collect the robots until it's no fun.
And when I've almost caught them all-
That's when I sell my collection.

4 comments:

ViceGripX said...

Excellent work, my friend. Excellent work. I shall commit it to memory and we can come up with a handshake to go with it so that when next we meet, we can recite it together whilst slipping each other some skin.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

That will be a sweet sweet day!

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Oh, and I thought it would be fun to tell you that originally I wrote that repeating part in the plural, as "We are the defeatist completists, We collect..." because I pictured you and me singing it out loud together as we cried and cried.

ViceGripX said...

LOL! Oh, that's a great mental image you paint there. We could have big mugs of beer and sway back and forth as we clink our glasses together whist singing and crying.

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.