Wednesday, July 11, 2007

My wife says I was a good example to the baby, but he's three months old and doesn't know the difference between me and a bowl of cereal

Last Saturday I was in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant just sitting in my truck and looking at people going in the store. I meant to get out but I started thinking about how I'll never know if I won a Pepsi Prime unless it comes in the mail and it was pissing me off. Well anyways a mid eighties sedan pulls up and this young guy gets out. He looked skinny and dorky and he reminded me of myself in my teens and he went into the restaurant. But as he got out of his car he dropped twenty bucks in the parking lot and he didn't notice. I got out of my truck, picked up the money and gave it back to the kid, who by that time was in line ordering his burger.

What an idiot I was!

There's like a million things right now that I'd like to have but that I think are a waste of money, and most all of them are around $20. Had I kept the 20 bucks I could have gone on a number of different self-indulgent splurge-o-ramas. It would have been an awesome time! Now I dwell constantly on all the cool stuff I could have done with the money that I could have just considered life's little way of paying me back for being an awesome guy.

There's so much great stuff I could have done with that kid's twenty bucks. I could have bought myself that colossal triple meat Baconator burger from Wendy's. For five bucks more I could have bought the awesome Nicholas Cage action thriller Ghost Rider, which I still haven't seen, on Blu-Ray. And of course I could have bought more shitty toy robots, specifically the Alternators Skids that's still on clearance for $16 at Rapid City's ShopKo. Hot damn that toy is my Moby Dick I'm so obsessed by it but I won't get it until it goes clearance for cheaper. On a more theoretical level, I could have won Powerball or at least got myself a nice big ass cowboy belt buckle like all the hokey farmers wear here in South Dakota.

All these wonderful things I denied myself, and why? So I could write "Oh look at me I am so friggin' moral and nice and don't worry if you're a dumbass who can't keep track of your crap because I will return it to you if it falls out of your pants." IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! I almost want to go back and ask him for the twenty bucks!


naladahc said...

Sucks to be a mensch doesn't it?

Mickey said...

It was a trap. I guarantee you they were filming a show to see how honest people were and you passed. Your 7th sense of knowing a trap sprung into action and prevented you from keeping the money. Your 8th sense of getting credit for some other guy being stupid kicked in after that and you came out ahead. I salute you Evil King for not falling into The Man's trap and being shown on tv as a common criminal or apathetic.

Heavyarms said...

I was going to say "Great job" and tell you that my six year old son found a 10 dollar bill at the post office. His first instinct was to turn it in to one of the postal workers and tell them that someone had dropped it. The lady told him "Oh, honey, we'd never be able to find out who that belongs to. Since you're such an honest young man, I think you should keep it." And he promptly went out and bought a Transformer with it.

But I like what mickey said better, so I'll go with that.

Rob said...

To quote Jem, "You did the right thing and doing the right thing makes you a super star!"

Evil King Macrocranios said...

The more I think about this the more pissed off I get. Ten years ago in Biloxi, Mississippi I lost $20 to a con man I played Blackjack with on the bus. He had a marked deck and I realized it too late. My only comfort is that his house was probably destroyed in hurricane Katrina. I was hoping I'd see that bastard's corpse floating in the water on the news. I could have restored balance to the cosmos if I'd only have kept that kid's money. IDIOT!


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.