Sunday, July 15, 2007

It's not as sexy and sanitary as saving snowflakes on microscope slides, but taping flies to the window sure does take a lot more skill

Yesterday I came up with a new hobby I call "flytaping" that also doubles as an insect extermination method. I wait for flies to land on the window then I grab a 3 inch length of "High Performance" Scotch brand clear packaging tape and I tape the flies to the widow when they're not looking. Depending on how they're caught in the tape, the flies get to gaze out at the world beyond my backyard which consists of miles and miles of sky and horse stables. Seeing all that big blue sky they could be flying in and all those horses they could be sitting on is undoubtedly the worst torture a fly could suffer as they die of starvation taped to a window. There are probably significant health hazards involved in doing this, but knowing these flies are suffering emotionally makes me feel really good.

Better yet, it acts as a deterrent for any flies looking in my window and wondering if they should risk coming in. Like if they see their dad taped to the inside all dead then maybe they'll get the hint that their kind isn't welcome here. Better than that, my flytaping also keeps my house resistant to attack from ninjas with slower reflexes than I. I have learned from watching G4 that today's ninjas are constantly trying to find ways to show off their ninja skills with outward displays of toughness and speed. It is a long standing ninja tradition to use files as a means of expressing skill. More old skool ninjas resorted to catching flies with chopsticks (probably because they'd have a hard time finding scotch tape in 15th century feudal Japan). I expect to be internet famous once the hip young urban ninjas of today start flytaping to show off their speed and quick reflexes. And if any of those ninja punks dares come by my house intending to steal my photoshopped pictures of Makoto Nagno, they'll take one look at my fly filled windows and go "OH SHIII---!"


naladahc said...


You need a vacation.

Heavyarms said...

That's friggin' sweet. I wish I had thought of that. The only bug torture I ever came up with was burning spiders with aerosol cans. Stupid not having cable television growing up.


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