Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Get your fingers ready because it's time to pick this month's MOCOs!

It's time to give out this month's Macrocranian Oustandingly Cool Orale award. But first off, let's start by giving out an anti-MOCO award to the guy who played Jorge Figueroa in the TINO (Transformers In Name Only) Movie. TINO the Movie features a character who I guess is supposed to represent Mexicans because he speaks spanish, but his few lines revolve around how he grew up eating cajun food. Unless there was a lost colony of Cortez that landed in Louisiana I could swear that people who speak spanish don't grow up eating jambalaya. Screw you, guy who played Jorge Figueroa! For being the most bizarre stereotype of a mexican ever, you get a P.M.F.F. award-Puro Medio Finger FuckYou!

This month's Wizard magazine has an interview with Nicholas Cage, who is my all time favorite actor and recipient of this month's MOCO award because I just saw Ghost Rider and that movie is brown trash heaven. It's awesome but not just because it has lots of Evil Kinevil style death defying motorcycle jumps. It's set in Texas where I was born and it has tons of skeletons, which Mexican people are obsessed with. We love us some skeletons and Ghost Rider is pure taco loving skeleton porn. We also love cowboys. I think I've written before about a certain ultimate mexican death metal supergroup named Skeleton Cowboy that just happens to be a figment of my imagination. Well Ghost Rider even has one character who is not only a skeleton, but a cowboy as well. I almost choked to death at the sight of that guy, who gets not only +10 skeleton and +10 cowboy, but who's also on fire. Holy crap. This movie also has Eva Mendes, who resembles every god-I-wanna-butt-rape-her girl I grew up with in high school. Plus it has Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train song which I thought was the national anthem of El Paso the way they played it so much on the radio when I was growing up. I am definitely getting Ghost Rider on Blu-Ray, even though I swear in one scene a lady on the street who was supposed to be mexican was actually native american and the whole movie was filmed in Australia.

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.