Wednesday, June 20, 2007

validated by the evil gangsta Cosmos

I'm 33 years old but when I go to Target the first thing I do is head for the toy aisle but then not buy anything. Why?

I'm burnt out on Transformers but when I go to Wal-Mart I still head for the toy aisle and not buy anything. Why?

If I do buy toys for me it's almost exclusively online but I go to ShopKo and head for the toy aisle and not buy anything. Why?

I do this over and over and over. Why?

I'm like if Pavlov's dog realized his owner with the bell was jerking him around but he just decides, "Oh, fuck it, I'll go anyways even though it's embarrassing and demeaning to be jerked around like this". Do I continue with this odd fruitless redundancy out of nostalgia? Is this a case of my child self programming my adult self with the behavioral equivalent of male nipples, useless vestigal appendages that are evolutionary throwbacks to a bygone era? Why do I do this?


Hot damn I was looking for that thing for ages. They only had one at ShopKo but I would have bought ten of them. Thus I have met the monthly criteria for the minimum purchase required to bitch about toy collecting while maintaining a shred of credibility. Also, being 'old skool'.


Hooper_X said...

by the way, i will motherfucking shootfight you for that japan trip. i'm sorry, but i guarantee that Hoop And Charge Do Japan will totally trump whatever you bring to the table in hilarity, awesomeness, and possibility of arrest.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Fuck that, if I win I'm kidnapping Kilby and we're getting on Ninja Warrior.

Heavyarms said...

Yeah, I do it, too, and 9 times out of 10 I walk away empty-handed.

Can't think of a better reason why we in the over 30 set still head to the toy aisle. Is it habit? Maybe. Conditioning? Possibly. But you never know when you're going to find that McQuarie Boba Fett hiding on the peg behind 10 Naboo soldiers.

I have never been able to find any of the Raiders, but I've got a nice little squadron of Vipers.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I heard on this week's Star Wars Action News podcast that the McQuarrie Fetts and Stormtroopers will be shipping again in upcoming case assortments.

Although the Classic Cylon Raiders are in 3 waves they're maddeningly shortpacked 1 to a case while retarded stuff like the Clone Tanks and Jedi Starfighter repaints come in multiples. It doesn't really matter here. The one Wal-Mart and one Target in Rapid City are stuck with older Titaniums. The pegs at the high volume stores here stay so choked with old product that by the time it clears out several waves have gone by. I think one Cylon Raider is all I'm getting because of this.

hooper_x said...

(Incidentally, my backup plan is Hoop and Robo_Rob Do Japan, which will almost certainly result in incarceration if not outright deportation.)


Evil King Macrocranios said...

Here's my backup plan: snorting coke off the ass of a japanese whore!


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.