Avoid the Troid! OR: Maybe I would care about the rising cost of gas but between eBay and YouTube I never have to go outside

As a self-diagnosed sufferer of roboplasti-tardation, I understand that other "normal" people think I am a "weirdo". But since the American Medical Association doesn't recognize roboplati-tardation as a "real" mental illness, I must create my own complicated bullshit relationshipial analogies to asses the severity of my "made up" condition.

The one that got away-Mint in Shitty Box

I felt I was making some progress with my RPT last August when I decided I'd rather drive my family to Wyoming to see Devil's Tower National Monument than stay at home so I could win an eBay auction for a Robotroid set I didn't have. Robotroids are extremely rare and only pop up an average of once a year on eBay. In the big scheme of things I figured a chance to see Devil's Tower would come up less often in my life than Robotroid auctions. After making the decision I felt mature and grown up in a way that only dads who take their unwilling families on long boring drives can know. Honestly, knowing the Robotroid set came already opened and with a huge tear on the side flap of the box made it a little easier to miss out on. As I drove I just kept repeating to myself-I don't collect Mint In Shitty Box! I don't collect Mint In Shitty Box! I don't collect Mint In Shitty Box!

But my roboplasti-tardation made enjoying the drive difficult and consequently there wasn't a single second of the 250 mile round trip that I wasn't thinking about skipping the sightseeing and going home to win the auction. My wife would've been happy if we went back, too, because on any given day she would rather be home instead of going on some existentialist robotarded quest to Wyoming. But I had to prove to myself that there was more to life than toy robots and blowjobs. Boy was I an idiot.

Speaking of blowjobs, last Saturday Bill Clinton was speaking here in Rapid City. It was just my luck that at the exact time he was speaking there was another Robotroid auction ending on eBay. It would have been fun to see and hear him up close, but with YouTube nowadays I don't even have to leave my house if I want to see things happening in my own city. I decided to stay home and do the eBay robots thing even if it meant I'd miss out on a once in a lifetime chance to see someone famous in Rapid City that wasn't lost. In the end I did get a better idea of where my roboplasti-tarded head is at in terms of priorities and it goes something like:

Bill Clinton < Toy Robots Auctions < Oddly Shaped Geological Formations

Of course more data is needed if I am to ever get a clear picture of the severity of my RPT. Seeing a former president is cool and all, but he was up against an auction that had four sealed Robotroids. I CAN ONLY THINK OF ONE SUPERSTAR CELEBRITY LINEUP THAT CAN COMPETE WITH THAT.