On the first day of GoBots, Maas Brothers gave to me: a Tank for the memories

On December 7th of 1984 a store named Maas Brothers ran this ad where the GoBot named Tank dominates the page. They've got other hugely popular boys toys in there like He-Man and GI Joe, but who do they devote the majority of space on the page to? The toy robot with the lamest transform ever. Tank is notorious for his conversion in which all he does is bend over. Did Maas Brothers believe that even the most craptastic toy robot ever was better than any He-Man or G.I. Joe? Probably not. BUT IS IT TRUE? HELL YEAH!

A nerd by any other name is just as retarded

Beyonce wants to be called Sasha Fierce now. Although I thought making it big with her given name was quite an accomplishment, I can totally sympathize with having to change one's identity-or at least having to change the imaginary made up bullshit name I use on the internet. It has happened a couple of times already. When I first got on the internet in 1997 I thought I was being totally underground by using the handle of what I thought was an obscure character from a mostly forgotten cartoon. But instead of thinking I was all cool and underground, people thought I was lame for calling myself Optimus Prime. I should have known the internet was comprised of people who would know that kind of stuff already. I now realize I should have picked Sasha Fierce Optimus Prime .

THEIR LIE REFLECTED MY LIE

I decided I needed a totally new, totally original fake internet name that was entirely future proof. But since I wasn't creative enough to come up with anything on my own, I decided to use the name the other Target stockboys used to make fun of me with. "crazysteve" lasted me a good ten years before I discovered that there were tons more internet Steves who considered themselves crazy. I considered slight variations on the theme such as "craziersteve", "crazierthanthoseothersteves" and "crazieststeve", but the damn doppelgangers had become my personal internet Marla Singers. Instead of wasting the rest of my life waging some sort of "crazy off" against every other internet steve to see who truly deserved the title, I decided to ditch that name about three years ago. I am grateful that I did because I just found out that...

NICKELODEON RAPED MY OLD INTERNET NERD NAME

Apparently there's this character on the Drake and Josh show that goes by Crazy Steve. It is really weird to hear my Transformer nerd name being used on television. Honestly, I must admit that Nickelodeon Crazy Steve is way crazier than I. He would have out-crazied me in the first round of the crazysteve crazy off. And that is how it should be. I've moved on and hopefully I should be good until The Weather Channel comes out with the Evil King Macrocranios Weather Super Show.