Monday, March 17, 2008

Playing Tetris and watching the little bricks falling down has become a metaphor for the problems life throws at me and how I handle them, also poop

I have this thing where I go to the bathroom a lot if I'm feeling stressed or anxious. It's really embarrassing and even the slightest little worry will set it off. Instead of developing more effective life coping mechanisms so that I won't spend ridiculous amounts of time in the bathroom, I decided to make crapping time fun so I take my GameBoy with me. I play Tetris on the toilet a lot. Now I look forward to losing my job or deaths in the family because I can almost smell my high score records breaking once that nervous anxiety kicks in.

What I hadn't noticed is I've developed little sayings that I use to cheer myself on as I'm playing Tetris and stacking up the little blocks. Aside from the usual "OH YEAH!" and "UNNHHH!", I have come up with other phrases that I usually keep in my head as I'm playing. Like if I get a double (completing two lines at once) I'll think "There's a double for my trouble!" and with triples I have the nonsensical "Here's a triple for my nipple!"

Well the other night on the toilet I was doing really well and I was close to breaking my high score record. I hadn't noticed that I was actually saying my dumb little moans and phrases out loud. I was piling up triples and doubles and Tetrises all over the place. This must have been going on for around twenty minutes. There were at least ten instances of me shouting "TRIPLE FOR MY NIPPLE! TRIPLE FOR MY NIPPLE!" When I messed up on the very last line I let out a loud, "UUUUUGHHH!" Then I noticed my wife was pounding at the door because she had to pee and when I opened it she was all, "ARE YOU MASTURBATING!?!"

7 comments:

Heavyarms said...

Do I even want to know what you say when you get a Tetris?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Misa Hayase!

Rob said...

"I have this thing where I go to the bathroom a lot if I'm feeling stressed or anxious."

I'd hate to see would happen if someone told you your house was burning down, right after you just finished a big meal at Taco Bell.

Weasel said...

You could've simply told your wife you were enjoying a little bit of "Steve's special alone time". XD

And here I thought I was bad for playing my DS while on the crapper....

Evil King Macrocranios said...

The smell of my house burning down would be the smell of me being crowned the King of Kongs, except of Tetris. I would like a documentary about my Tetris high scores to be filmed while I'm on the toilet.

Wow playing a DS on the toilet is like Jetsons to me. All those new handheld systems seem complicated. I am thinking about getting a PSP but I'm not sure if they have Tetris. My current Gameboy is dying so soon I'll have to switch over to my newer (old) one with the cool see-thru shell. But once that one dies I may have to upgrade to the latest thing, or I may just go to the pawn shop and get another old Game Boy. I would like to think I am the last person keeping this retro gaming/ toilet time tradition alive.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

However, I wouldn't want to buy a used GameBoy from someone like me. Now that I think about it, I should probably smell whatever pawn shop GameBoy I intend to buy, and probably inspect it for small pieces of toilet paper stuck to the screen.

Rob said...

The Nintendo DS is pretty simple to use. However, I still an original purple Game Boy Advance. It plays all of the old Game Boy games and the screen is much clearer than the old Game Boy that you have. The screen isn't backlit though.

The best Game Boy is the Game Boy Advance SP. It's very small, has a great backlit screen, and has a built-in rechargeable battery.

 

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