Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The loneliness of the thirtysomething gewunner

I met an awesome guy in an Iron Maiden shirt
A Wal-Mart electronics clerk dressed for a concert
In my hands a roboplastico for which I required price
The scanners were all down and I needed his advice
In the eighties stuff had price tags at the very least
I hated asking for help but I wanted the number of this beast

From the Maiden maniac's age I was sure he'd recognize
I had a twentieth anniversary old school Optimus Prime
Excuse me could you scan this? I hope it's not a chore
HOLY SHIT OPTIMUS PRIME! They don't make those anymore!
Away from this rivethead to the hills I wanted to run
But he was the only motherfucker with a scanner gun

As he scanned we got to talking and he turned out to be hardcore
Optimus rang up on clearance priced at $19.84
His knowledge of toy 'bots and metal was truly widespread
He knew Megatron and Megadeth, Motormaster and Motorhead
He talked of hard rock rarities and robots that turn to cars
He even played the Transformer song on a Gutiar Hero gutiar

"Do you remember eighty-five?" I said, "It's the year that I miss best."
and he pointed to his shirt and said, "Hey man, I never left!"
Talking about how it used to be had us lost somewhere in time
I guess the memories depressed me and I put back Optimus Prime
"Dude don't put it back!" He said, "It'll be a collector's item!"
I said, "No it's cool, after talking to you I'll let a collector buy him."

Our talking got me thinking 'bout when I was a child
It was a heavy metal carnival and the toy robot rides were wild
Livin' la vida robo in the heavy metal eighties
back then it was heaven but the 2000's are fuckin' Hades
Relentless reissues and reunions merely end up with me offended
Nostalgia is just a ticket to a concert long since ended


Bruticus said...

Iron Maiden rule \m/>.<\m/

Good poem though, made me :::cbol:::

Heavyarms said...

*sniff* That was beautiful, bro.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Yes, I like to remind my readers every now and then that it's not all Dirty Sanchezes and AFA graded anal lube here in the Kingdom of Macrocrania. I have a cultured, mature side that will hopefully be appreciated by future internet historians as they recite my poems about shopping for toy robots at Wal-Mart and getting humped by Dinobots.

Nightowl said...

Funny i always seem to run into someone at walmart that wants to know why im buying starwars titanium ships .

ViceGripX said...

Great poen as usual, your majesty. Finding that Prime for under $20 is the only way I'd buy it. Never say it for less than $50 though.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Richard if you don't stop calling me that I'm going to go over to your blog and end every one of my comments with, "Love you, honey pie sweetie-boo."


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.