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Lately all my spams have been sent from January 18, 2038. I guess in the future I am in need of immediate mortgage refinancing. Normally I'd be pissed that I have over 400 mortgage refinancing emails from the year 2038 but I guess it means I have a house in the future. Apparently in the future I have my shit together so the spams are encouraging but I don't know how I'm getting there because right now my life is a colossal train wreck. God I hate myself. 2038 can't get here fast enough.

Noel Wiley sent me an email titled "I caught my mom doing some guy on the net!" so I immediately did a google images search for "Noel Wiley's mom" to see if she was hot but unfortunately there are no pictures of her there. I guess I shouldn't be so quick to try to take advantage of Noel Wiley's unfortunate situation but he should have emailed some advice columnist instead of me. If I found my mom on the net doing some guy the last thing I would do is email someone who calls himself Evil King Macrocranios. God I hate myself. 2038 can't get here fast enough.

Scotty Pickett sent me an email titled "Check out hot videos of my mom!" so I went to MySpace and did a search for "Scotty Pickett's mom". I got some great results that time. Man, his mom apparently goes by "xsweetlovelydeathx" on myspace and she's totally hot. I will be contacting him shortly. I hate having to work so hard to figure this shit out. Back in the nineties the sexy emailers were kind enough to email me nasty pictures of their hot moms along with the spams. God I hate myself. 2038 can't get here fast enough.

I'm glad to be getting sex related spams again as it's a trend that has sadly been on the decline since about 2002. I don't understand why there are so many numbers in the email titles though. I try to get turned on by "b10w d0ub1e j0b p0rn" but all those numbers make me feel like my computer is writing me phone sex. Is this a feature of Windows XP I didn't know about? God I hate myself. 2038 can't get here fast enough.