Sunday, September 10, 2006

I cast my pearls before the French

I'm still looking around the intertron for thoughts and feedback on the Kranix figures I made for the Transformer convention in Washington. The cool thing about webnet is that it connects me to people from all over the world. I was pretty excited to find a French message board that posted a picture of Kranix along with commentary from French fans!

I took a couple years of French in high school and I got stranded in Paris overnight once but that's been the extent of my experience with those dudes. I ordered steak tartar in a French restaurant there and the waitress brought me what can only be described as Alpo Meaty Chunks dog food, but I was cool about it and I gave it a shot. In the end I asked if she could cook it because I like my dog food warm.

I ran the page through Babelfish and found amongst the messages phrases like "Tres ugly" and "it scares me" and "indigestion". I've always been nice to French people so I don't know where this crap is coming from. I guess my Kranix sculpt wasn't exactly a hit amongst those dog food eating bastards.

Usually Americans will respond to my work with words and phrases like "Not that great" or "So what?" or "What you should have done is..." By and large my fellow Americans are apathetic. Maybe it's because they know I'm watching them and reading their blogwebs.

But the French! I gotta admire their cajones. From my translation of the board it looks like the majority of them don't even know where the Kranix character is from. My Transformer kung fu is obviously infinitely more powerful than theirs. Ultimately their opinions are rendered impotent by their overall lack of knowledge on the subject of alien robots with bit parts in robot cartoons from 20 years ago. I guess I should have expected this from the country that dubbed G1 Starscream with a female voice. Zut Alors!

So not only has my work attracted the disgust and vitriol of no-talent clueless fanboys from America, but now I have haters from France. I can live with that. If I ever go to a French Transformer nerd convention I will accept their painstakingly handmade robot toys graciously because I know how much backbreaking work goes into something like that...oh wait...French Transformer nerds don't HAVE Transformer fan conventions with handmade exclusives because they're too busy eating Alpo Meaty Chunks all day. Lazy bastards!

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.