Forget the Decepticon, what I want deciphered is why it took me 23 years to get these four glowing space toaster posters.

I was at the store yesterday when I saw the Blu-Ray for Dark City-one of my favorite movies of all time. I rank Dark City right up there with the greats like Laserblast, The Mothman Prophecies and the first Mortal Kombat. It is really that good. Well the store wanted 30 bucks for it and I don't care how good it is, I ain't paying that much for any movie not starring Tranzor-Z. I found it online cheaper so I spent the ten bucks I saved on a cod sandwich combo at Fuddruckers. It turns out Dark City has been out on Blu-Ray since the middle of last year and I never knew. Even if I did know it would probably have taken me this long to order it anyways because I'm such a gigantic procrastinator. When things I want are released I'm not usually the last guy to know, but I am usually the last guy to do anything about it.

THEY WERE THE ALL GLOWING, ALL TRANSFORMING GARBAGE OF THE UNIVERSE

I think my procrastinatory purchasing behavior is best described as passive-possessive, meaning I would like to possess certain things that in reality are simple enough to find, but I don't ever put much effort into acquiring them. Case in point is how last month I finally tracked down the last of four Transformer posters in a set that was originally released in 1986. If you were collecting around then you remember the "Decipher the Decepticon" sweepstakes where some boxed Transformers from '85 and '86 were released with glow-in-the dark posters. Well I finally got the last one I needed last month after 23 years of passive-possessiveness. And it sucks that it took me so long because significant chunks of glowy parts from some of my posters have faded away or disappeared entirely (much like my decaying brain cells). Now I understand what Chuck Palahniuk meant when he wrote "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone's glowy posters drops to zero." Like the Mona Lisa, my glowy Transformer posters are falling apart but instead of rejecting the decay as Tyler Durden would, I embrace it and find it charming. It's not very Tyler Durden of me to even be completing the set in the first place, but look where being an incompletist got him.

BEING 35 WITH THE HOBBY OF A TEN YEAR OLD IS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS

Between these posters and the 1985 reflective patch set last year I am feeling a great sense of robotarded accomplishment, tinged with a bit of stupid. I don't know what is dumber-that it took me 23 years to get these things done or that these were my life goals in the first place. If in 1997 Tyler Durden would have pulled me out of my convenience store, put a gun to my head and asked me what I wanted to do with my life, my answer would probably have something to do with glowy posters and reflective patches of toy robots. But instead of letting me go to accomplish those unfinished dreams, I think he probably would have shot me right there.