Sunday, January 11, 2009

I do these things not because they're easy, but because they're embarrasing and stupid OR:Maybe I'm the one who is a schizophrenic psycho library user

tODAY I CONCLUde Vintage Space Toast Tour El Paso 2009 at the downtown El Paso Main Public Library, where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Holy hell all I'm doing is trying to look at old toy robots ads on the microfilms and I constantly get accosted by bums begging for money-or worse-rides to Las Cruces. Plus I'm having equipment malfunctions and further intrapersonal commotions whevever random weirdo library patrons who aren't beggars still want to be all talking to me. The microfilm rolls are sometimes really fat because whoever made them 25 years ago figured nobody would ever actually try putting one in a microfilm reader one day because who cares about 25 year old newspapers anyways. So they get stuck in the machine and the librarians are all, "You breaking our machines again, huh?" Like it's my fault. But I'm really no less insane than any of these other crazies because no matter how scary the bums are or how sarcastic the librarians, I'm still the one looking at 25 year old toy robots newspaper ads. So as I prepare to mount my one final assault on a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port that leads directly to the library's reactor system, I must remind myself that the shaft is ray shielded so I must use proton torpedoes. Because Vintage Space Toast Tour is not about having a good time collecting toy robots ads, it's about hitting myself in the face with hammers.

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.