Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Oh give me a home where the robots have chrome OR:I MAY BE LAZY AN UNEMPLOYED BUT IT'S STILL HASBRO'S FAULT I CAN'T AFFORD NICE TOY ROBOT LAMBOS


I got that new Transformers Sunstreaker from Hasbro's Transformers Universe line that's a really nice update to the old one from 24 years ago. It's great but one thing that bugs me is the lack of a chrome spoiler like the old one had. For the Japanese release of this new Sunstreaker Takara chromed the spoiler and engine and I really wanted that version, but not $25 really wanted it (which is what the toy robots importers were selling it for). My cheapness fascinates me because I remember my parents bought my Sunstreaker at Sears where Autobot cars cost $10.99 in 1984, which when adjusted for inflation is $21.67 in today's money. Why is it okay for my dad to shell out over 20 bucks to buy me toy robots in 1984 but I can't swallow the extra $3.33 24 years later? I would like to say it's because as a mature adult who knows the value of a dollar I recognize that $25 toy robots are not smart ways to spend one's money during the current economic crisis, but mostly it boils down to I am unemployed.

MAKE TOY ROBOTS BETTER IN A SNAP WITH A SHEET OF REYNOLDS WRAP

When I was a silly kid I used to glue aluminum foil to the parts of my toys where the chrome rubbed off hoping to restore them. Now that I am a silly adult I can afford much more expensive methods of getting the same substandard results. So I went to Hobby Lobby and spent some more of my wife's money on a foil plating kit hoping that I could magically chrome my toy robot Lamborghini spoiler just as good as the Japanses do, all the while knowing that it probably won't look as good and I'm probably going to end up spending more than $25 making mine look like ass. Then once I got home and read all the instructions I gave up because I am lazy. I was beginning to notice a pattern.

I DON'T BREAK THE SPOILERS, I BEND THEM A LOT

Since I hold Hasbro responsible for starting me on this latest downward spiral into robotarded idiocy, I really wanted to ask them why they didn't chrome the Sunstreaker spoilers in the first place. Thanks to Hasbro's Q&A session over at The Parry Game Preserve, they answered my question! I was expecting the answer to be something like, "Look dude, it ain't easy selling chrome robot lamborghinis to our target market of children and roboholic grown men when both are usually unemployed," or "Have you tried Reynolds Wrap?" Instead they pretty much admitted they use shitty plastic that bends too easy. They can try to sugar coat the truth with fancy explanations about plastic chemistry but in the end it turns out they're just as cheap and lazy as I am. It is cosmic justice. Cheap lazy robots for cheap lazy people. Unchromed toy robot lamborghini spoiler is the damning indictment of my generation. I am sure that at some point Obama held unchromed toy robot lamborghini spoiler in his hands and with a tear in his eye he looked up to the sky where baby Jesus lives and vowed, I will change this! But it will be too late for me. I deserve unchromed toy robot lamborghini spoiler because I am more machine now than man, twisted and evil. Also unemployed.

7 comments:

agentmorris said...

Plastic that is "cheap" and "bends easily?"
Just so happens that's exactly two major attributes that I look for in prospective wives!

That and the fact that they might find robotarded men in their 30s attractive.

Heavyarms said...

I'm sort of glad they aren't chroming the US figures. I have an aversion to that vacuum metalized stuff because its all flaking off my Beast Wars Transmetal figures. I AM TOO CHEAP TO REPLACE THEM!

If it really bothers you that much, you could always find some of those weirdos that build plastic models of cars and stuff and ask one of them to paint it for you.

@agentmorris. Good luck w/ that. I find that its usually best to not spring the robotardation on them until its too late.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I'm disappointed that the current vacmetallization process is inferior to what was done in the eighties. The old robot chrome only wore off after repeated contact and didn't just crack and flake off with age like is common nowadays. I have never seen chrome flaking like the Transmetals exhibit on toy robots from the 80s.

Idiot_Savant said...

Im sure you may have used/seen Bare-Metal Foil. IT is not a chrome finish but for small areas it is great. Also Testors make a buffing Model Master Metalizer paint. Again it is not chrome but buffed with a dremel tool and a Lock Cloth Polishing Wheel you can get a great finish.

Andres said...

Hi, Nice Blog!!! you really like Sunstreaker? Dont you? Check this post im my blog (Its in spanish, but shure you like the photos :-P)
Sunsteaker and Sideswipe variants:

http://www.blogtransformers.com/2008/12/sideswipe-sunstreaker-y-todos-sus.html

Thanks!!!

Bubbashelby said...

This post had me laughing with tears in my eyes!

You,sir, are hilarious!

LEon said...

If you want chrome so much, you can try the takaraTomy version.

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.