Friday, September 05, 2008

Talk about wardrobe malfunction!

I have such a hard on right now for the Force Unleashed video game coming out in a few weeks. The demo was released a couple Thursdays ago and even though it's only one short level I never get tired of throwing Tie Fighters at people. The way the main character gets to use the force in this game is so ridiculously over the top that this one element makes a mockery of all the Star Warses that came before it. (Which is to say it does pretty much the same thing every Star Wars movie has been doing since Return of the Jedi.)

I FIND MY LACK OF PANTS DISTURBING

The best thing is that at some point in the story of The Force Unleashed, Darth Vader totally gets his ass kicked and big chunks of his armor fall off and you can see his head. Of course this being Star Wars, Hasbro made an action figure of Darth Vader's Bad Day which features removable armor pieces and all sorts of battle damage and the helmet comes off partially so you can see his head. It's awesome. I went out and got it last week and Darth Vader's Bad Day is easily the best figure in my entire Star Wars action figure collection. Keep in mind that my entire Star Wars action figure collection consists of four other Darth Vader figures, a Tauntaun and an R2-D2. IT IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO SCENES THAT AREN'T DARTH VADER GANG RAPING A TAUNTAUN.

DARK LORD OF THE NIPPLE

I'm a really big fan of this figure because I happen to find battle damage a little bit sexy. I don't know if this makes me gay but I get slightly turned on when I see a half-man half robot all roughed up and showing some boob with his robot parts exposed and his wires all dangling. Aside from that what I really love about Darth Vader's Bad Day is that when the helmet is on, the eye sockets are asymmetrical due to the removable nature of its engineering. I always wanted an action figure representation of the asymmetrical helmet used in the first three movies. It's a nice touch but you know what would really be great? Assless chaps.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE POWER OF THE DARK THIGHS

This all reminds me that a while ago there was a guy that made a Baroness figure with sexy battle damage. Her armor was all torn up but thankfully her frilly panties survived. I was thinking battle damaged Baroness would make a fantastic Halloween costume seeing how the trend with women nowadays is to dress up as slutty versions of old cartoons. And then I noticed that not only are women sluttying up traditionally female characters, but they're dressing up as hot slutty versions of traditionally male characters like Freddy Krueger. Then I thought, well hell, if they're gonna do that then screw dressing up like slave Leia (the reigning ultimate Star Wars nerd wet dream). If all you women want to FORCE us to look at your UNLEASHED boobs, then get with what's hot in the Star Warses now!

THE NEW HOTNESS THIS HALLOWEEN IS SLUTTY BATTLE DAMAGED DARTH VADER!!

YOUR SEXY FATHER!

2 comments:

Shaun said...

Extra points if the Sexy Vader costume is a group effort with three other sexy Vaders gang-banging a Tauntaun.

Sean said...

See, a lot of people seem to be saying that TFU is just too "over the top" and is making a mockery of the Force but I really don't have any sort of problem believing that an incredibly powerful Jedi could do all of those things you can do in the game.
I always figured that the Jedi would actually be doing that kind of shit if Lucas had the budget and the technology to do it back in the day. It always seemed pretty lame to me that the Force was always described as this awesome and incredible power that we could never possibly understand yet all it amounted to was some mind reading and some lame-ass levitation scenes with some lightning powers thrown in for good measure. I always figured that what we've seen the Jedi do is just a small sliver of what they could POTENTIALLY do so I could see them being able to hurl TIE Fighters at things and being able to destroy a Star Destroyer and all that. I for one am really looking forward to seeing the Force pushed to its ultimate limits and will definitely be buying (or at least renting) that shit when it's out.

 

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