Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Olympic fame is no different from my own now that I've been mentioned on the Voltron forums OR: I'm tired of my fame paying out in Voltron dollars

My mother-in-law has been watching the crap out of the Olympics and she knows that in high school I was the 1992 district 2-5A pommel horse champion, which is probably why she thinks that a) I like watching Olympics and b) I must be gay. She must suspect I am hiding something because whenever she calls to talk Olympic gymnastics with me I ask dumb questions like which country did she think had the best men's floor dance routines. Apparently it is not called "the floor dance". It's hard remembering the exact terminology when the last time I paid attention to this stuff was 25 years ago. But you know I can't exactly tell her the reason I'm missing the Olympics is because I spend all my free time working on my robotarded website of 25 year old toy ads and reading the Voltron message boards. My mother-in-law already knows I'm a dork but I try to conceal the magnitude of my idiocy by keeping my internet life hidden from her. I imagine this is how Spider-Man feels when he can't tell his prom date that the reason he stood her up was he was out fighting Skeletor or however that goes.

STOLEN WEBSITE PICTURES IS THE NEW GOLD MEDALS

I am not totally out of the Olympics loop and I do know that some guy has been winning a lot of medals. As I was washing the dishes I was thinking a lot about how this 23 year old Olympic level famous guy and I are a lot alike. I was reading about how he had a saying for when he'd practice swimming on those days he didn't want to be practicing. He called it "putting money in the bank". It's a metaphor for doing hard, laborious, seemingly thankless work now that will pay off in the future. This is much like how I feel when I'm working on the Vintage Space Toaster Palace putting up old toy robots newspaper ads. It may seem pointless and be a huge waste of my time now but I am sure it will have a huge payoff in the future. I'm almost sort of getting returns now-my site was recently mentioned on the Voltron message boards. Now that I think about it, being mentioned on the Voltron message boards isn't exactly the same as winning Olympic gold medals. It turns out I don't really have much in common with the famous Olympic guy (who I can't remember his name right now) at all. The hard work metaphor still sort of holds up I guess. Unfortunately I am only now realizing that Olympic swimmer guy banks at a different branch than I do.

HOW I AVOIDED THE BACKGROUND CHECK ON A POPULARITY LOAN APPLICATION AT VOLTRON BANK

I would like to think that deep down our fame isn't all that dissimilar. All fame is is being known by lots of people who you don't know. I don't know how many people read the Voltron message board but that thread the VSTP was mentioned in has over 75 views (half of which don't count because they are me). That still leaves around two dozen people who have seen my work. One of those guys was even trying to figure out how to contact me but was unsuccessful because I don't put my contact info on my webpages. This also makes me feel like Michael Phelps Olympics guy because like him I have attained a certain level of notoriety, except in my case nobody knows my name because I try to hide as much of my personal information from my fans as possible. This is in case I run into them at Voltron conventions. Yet another way that Michael Phelps, Olympic gold medalloid, is a better man than me. I am uncomfortable around people who would want to meet me based on my internetting. However, I take comfort in knowing that if we were to meet, Michael Phelps would be totally fucking terrified of me.

MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE UNFAMILIAR WITH KRONOFORM ROBOT WATCHES

It doesn't bother me that Michael Phelps has more gold medals than I have monthly visitors to my website (half of which don't count because they are me). What bothers me is that his accomplishments are more easily appreciated by average people. I am sure that if Michael Phelps wanted to marry my wife, my mother-in-law would have no problems understanding why he's a great guy (although she would probably still think he must be gay). I don't think he's a Voltron fan so I don't worry about him stealing anything that matters to me besides my wife. At this point I don't know if I'd feel more threatened by a) Michael Phelps banging my wife or b) Michaels Phelps having a toy robots webpage that gets mad props on the Voltron message boards. I am not above learning from his example so I'm going to use his work ethic to make the Vintage Space Toaster Palace the toy robots website equivalent of whatever he did at the Olympic medalloid contests. I don't get how swimming a lot will help me make my website better but I'm willing to try it out. I think this is where his logic is flawed.

3 comments:

Paul said...

Nice post. If you want more hits, I can tell you how to get more hits. It will only cost... YOUR SOUL!!!

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I've never been interested in getting hits as much as I wanted to attract people who genuinely, authentically appreciated what I was doing. I think that's what happened when the Voltron people found my site and it made me feel good. Like getting a gold medal. Now all I need are gold medals from the RoboForce fandom, Shogun Warriors fandom, Transistor Robots fandom, ZyBots fandom, etc. (Although sometimes I feel like I alone comprise the entirety of all of those fandoms.) To have been searched out and found by word of mouth is the best way I think, and that'll happen over time. I'm not a big fan of link wankery or asshole self-promotion.

Rob said...

Steven Seagal also has a saying about banks. "I'm gonna take you to the bank...the blood bank."

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.