Monday, June 02, 2008

69 ways a Camaro is better than a girl

Thanks to the latest episode of GuyCast (#227) I got turned on to mechaphilia. Well I wasn't "turned on" but just made aware of it. Mechaphilia is when people are sexually attracted to and/or have sex with their cars. Although it sounds outrageous I don't think it's a joke or a prank, I totally believe that some young guys out there are fucking exhaust pipes and cup holders and gas tanks of their automobiles. There's an article about it called "I have sex with my car!" over at Closer Online featuring a twenty year old guy in an open relationship with his Volkswagen and who's simultaneously in a gay relationship with a Trans-Am named Todd. I also found the blog of a mechaphile featuring what I can only describe as autoerotic art. Maybe I should call it AutoZoneErotic?


Bumble got back
I love this stuff because mechaphilia is the logical conclusion to a certain train of thought I'd been developing about toy robots and puberty and how one influences the other. In the normal course of growing up I was thinking that masturbation fantasies involving other human beings were much more powerful entertainment than any prepubescent obsessions like toys or cartoons. But maybe it was possible that some teenagers whacked off to thoughts of Transformer cartoons or used Hot Wheels as visual aids in their masturbation sessions. It was so obvious and inevitable that mechaphiles existed seeing how American society fetishizes automobiles, starting early with toy cars (and worse-toy cars robots). The mechaphile blog I found contains a slideshow of Flickr pictures the blogger has titled titled "My Porn Show" and wouldn't you know it-there's pictures of Ultimate Bumblebee amongst the real life sports cars and toy cars in suggestive poses! What I love about mechaphilia is how the average Thoroughly Informative Transformers Themed Internet Entertainment Site would take a couple dozen pictures of Bumblebee's car mode, but the mechaphile only has one-of the tailpipes. It is the only angle he needs.

ROBOT CAMARO IS SEX WITH SUPERMODELS
I think a young man's sexual awakening plays a big role in their attraction to robots that turn into sports cars. I think sports cars are designed to outwardly mimic the female form with their curves and roundedness and racing stripes. Racing stripes have always reminded me of labia. I think this sexy car design appeals to young men on a primal level and then you have giant robots which appeal to adolescent power fantasies and on top of all that, cartoons that turn them into celebrity superstars. So transforming toy robot cars are a perfect storm of subconscious sexual attraction, idolatry and male power fantasy. They're irresistible. And that's why some guys stay attracted to toy robots long after most other kids have outgrown them. Because Tracks is sexy, damnit.

HOT ROD IS THE GREATEST MAGAZINE NAME EVER
Just as an aside, imagine being sexually attracted to automobiles-the most mundane aspects of daily existence like driving down the highway or getting gas or reading car magazines become cum in your pants exciting. I would love to live in that world. Even the most boring normal guy lives like Hugh Hefner if you think about how much time we spend washing our cars. Plus renting a car is legal in all 50 states. Lucky bastards!

5 comments:

viscous said...

Hi Crazy Steve! Mr. E here, 10 shipped sounds fine for the tetrajet, just let me know etc. Paypal?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Definitely Paypal! My Paypal address is starsaber at yahoodotcom, but I'll not be shipping them out until Thursday. Thanks!

Weasel said...

There was some guy arrested for actually doing a Camaro, iirc. Thankfully, he was only attracted to the first gen models. Seems movie Bumblebee was a bit too "young" for him.

Wow, that mechaphile site makes me look sane! So why do I have the sudden urge to strangle the webmaster? (I'm kidding, dammit! More or less.)

Heavyarms said...

I...uhhh...I...I got nothing.

Mick said...

So that's how Turbo Teen was really created! I always doubted the cover story of a kid swerving off the road and crashing into secret facility and gets zapped by laser fusing the car and the kid together. This all makes sense now.

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.