Friday, February 08, 2008

Loathing Drive OR: I can see your planet dying from here

I once found the pain
I keep locked in my brain
to be quite potent and very explosive
It was power unseen
and Emperor Palpatine
kidnapped me for further diagnosis

My emotions of course
the darkest side of the force
and the Emperor dubbed me Darth Emoticon
Days later Darth Vader
hooked me up to the Death Star laser
and all my self-loathing blew up Alderaan

Some japanese dudes
must've learned of my aptitudes
because they jacked my mind to the Macross main gun
To fight the Zentradi
and the evil they embody
My angst became the ultimate weapon

I humped Lynn Minmay
and found out Roy Fokker was gay
And when our fight with the aliens begun
I'd thought of the throngs
of things I had done wrong
And my regrets blew up the Zentradi sun

Then there was this once
I met the Prime Optimus
His chest matrix had gotten all empty
I have no more power
to light our darkest hour!
He said as he handed it to me

Though I had felt
my last bit of self doubt
and hate was totally gone
I remembered some children
that pissed me off in kindergarten
And one day that matrix fuckin' blew up Unicron


Anonymous said...

Wait. Roy was gay?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Well no, but I needed something that rhymes with Minmay and I've always thought the idea of the most manly badass in Macross being a flaming homo was intriguing. I'm not saying I see anything that hints at that in the show, but viewing the character in that context makes it kind of funny for me. I think the show would have been a lot more interesting (and hilarious) if instead of killing him, they outed him. His relationship with every other character in the show would be so awkward it would be the greatest cartoon ever.

Heavyarms said...

But, dude, you missed "Max Sterling was gay." I mean, Cam Clarke? SUPER gay.

It's even the same number of syllables. Roy Fok-Ker, Max Ster-ling.

To find out that ALL my favorite characters, Max, Leonardo, Rocksteady, ALL GAY!

(I know, gay voice actor =/= gay character, but it's funnier that way. At least I think it is.)


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.