yOU CAN't tell me that a robot Camaro playing a giant guitar amongst exploding ambulances and crashing buses isn't the coolest fukcing thing ever

Honestly, I'll bet anyone who says Transformers: The Game sucks hasn't gotten to the level where you can blow up the Hard Rock Cafe and take the big guitar and beat other robots' asses with it. Even better is when I go to the fast food place and grab the giant hot dog and whack it upside some unsuspecting robot's head. Boy things sure have changed a lot since I played the Mystery of Convoy for the Famicom.

Here's how I'm doing so far in the game. I've only been playing the Autobot campaign seriously and haven't unlocked everything. I'm mostly trying to collect all the yellow cubes. It's maddening. I figure if I can find them all myself I'll save $16 by not having to buy the official guide. I hate how nowadays the cost of the game is actually the price of the game plus the price of the guide because the game has so many little intricacies that I'll never figure it all out with the supplied instructions. There were times that I came so close to buying that guide book because the marathon scavenger hunts and mini quests just kicked my butt. But ever since I got the invincibility code memorized I walk those hallowed streets a conqueror.

I've collected all the Autobot icons and shortly after I took these pictures I attained all the skills in each area. The killer is those friggin' yellow cubes. As of right now I still need one cube in the Hoover Dam level and five more in the Last Stand level. When it's down to one cube the game can drive you crazy because the levels are so big. I will not give in! However, I have considered taking my camera to Wal-Mart and taking pictures of the guide because I am not above cheating and stealing to help out the Autobots.

Spending all this time as Bumblebee and the other robots got me thinking about how video games have replaced action figures as the preferred plaything for generations of kids now. Growing up back when the Atari 2600 and the NES were the only consoles I knew of as a kid, it was easy to be into toy robots and comic books. But man, now that I see just how incredible these new video game graphics are I can't blame any little kid who would rather play as Bumblebee in a game than play with a Bumblebee figure in real life. It's the difference between holding an Optimus Prime figure in your hand while pretending the sofas are buildings he's jumping on and actually BEING Optimus Prime jumping on real buildings. Every fantastic setting from the movie and every robot you'd want to be are all rendered with fantastic computer models while the real movie score plays in the background and the other robots beat you up with giant hot dogs.

Video games kick total ass. It's like I have the entire Transformers movie figure collection and I get to play with them anytime. Not that I ever gave a crap about the stigma of being a scary old man buying toys, but video games are more socially acceptable for adults. Plus there's no more worrying about where I'm going to put them all or keeping them in good shape. The video game robots will never break no matter how many fights I get them into. Real toys get all messed up if you strap fireworks to them and blow them up but these video game robots come back again and again. No wonder kids prefer this electronics stuff. While all the nostalgic adult collectors have helped keep the action figure industry hobbling along on life support, children have been doing all their action figure playing with digital robots that never turn yellow or get lost in the dirt or chewed by dogs. The only trade off I see is that now generations of kids will not have any imagination since all the work is done there in the game for them, but hey, no sacrifice-no victory, right?