In the future your epitaph will be whatever retarded search terms people googled to find your blog

In episode 99 of Foreskin radio, Professor Bestestes discusses the concept of microcelebrity and the notion that the new media makes us all "famous for fifteen people". Well looking at my site statistics I know I've got the fifteen people part down. It looks like there's about a dozen regulars coming here either on purpose or because they're like me and they use my page as an easy to remember way to get to "Too Much Coffee Man". The question for me then is, if this be my new media fame, what exactly am I famous for? When people think of my writing what are they expecting? I figure the answer is revealed in the search terms people use to find this blog. According to my keyword stats, apparently my fame has something to do with robots, anal toys and Nazi Thundercats.

One of my favorite sayings is that "People are not thinking about you 1/1000th as much as you think they are". There are also variations on this like "You are not 1/1000th as sexy as you think you are" and "Your weiner is not 1/1000th as long as you think it is". All of these sayings I first heard from my wife. I've come to realize that it is also true that people probably don't think my writing is 1/1000th as insightful or deep as I think it is. I thought that all this time people were tuning in to read my stories about how excessive toy robots consumption scars a man's soul but apparently I was wrong because instead of "cerebral musings on toy robots consumption", so far the most popular PSMR search term has been "megan fox naked".



The internet search engine is a sarcastic server of fame. Google likes to mess with me and direct people to my site based on the most retarded search strings. When that one guy searched for "anal robots" what was he expecting? Did he find it here? What is an "anal robot" anyways and where can I find one now that I know they exist? Other terms Google thinks describe my blog well are "anal toy collectors" and "nice ass toys". Hey thanks a lot, Google! I don't remember writing about ass toys and collecting anal toys but thanks for the traffic I guess. I have never known a search engine to be so fixated on ass. While I'm at it, I'm also not a fan of "Nazi Thundercats" either so you can stop sending people here when they're looking for that, too. Calling the Thundercats Nazis is pretty extreme. At worst they were Socialists.

Although my site has become Google's favorite place to direct perverts and people who have political problems with Thundercats, occasionally I will come across someone looking for something so bizarre it's inspiring. My absolute favorite search term that's ever led someone here is "ravage me porn". I don't know what this means or how anyone would ever think to string these three words together, but I do know it's what I want on my gravestone.

All of this becomes a concern for me because lately I've noticed at least two seperate IPs visiting PSMR coming from the city I'm living in. So it is theoretically possible that someone will recognize me at the bookstore one day and introduce me to their girlfriend by saying, "Hey honey, here's that guy I was telling you about with the gay robot ass toys blog". That's not exactly what I'd like to be known for, but hell, deep down inside I'd really rather talk about my blog than meet another fan of Too Much Coffee Man.