Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Color My World FLATTENED

When people down here at McMurdo Space Station showed me thier pictures of little paper dolls in various locations around Antractica, I thought it was all part of some strange real life internet meme. I pretended I knew what was going on but inside I was screaming, "Why is everybody carrying little paper dolls around and taking pictures of them? GIVE ME THE URLs." Plus they were giving the dolls weird names like "Flat Stanley" and "Flat Chloe" and I couldn't figure out how this insane idea started or how it was spreading, but I figured, okay, I'll do something like this, too. All I had to do was make my own paper doll and then I'll take some pictures and I'll be cool like everybody else. So I printed up a drawing of Artoo Detoo and I cut it out and decided that I would call my paper doll "Flat Artie".

What I didn't know was that Flat Stanley is a legitimate project to promote literacy and writing among schoolchildren. It involves little paper dolls being mailed to various parts of the world. Ideally if I was doing it correctly, the doll would be hand drawn and mailed to me by some little kid and then somehow reading would happen. Who knows how it works. All I know was that I'm a total moron who made a little paper R2-D2 and I was taking pictures of it being held by a toy robot in various locations around McMurdo Space Station.

I think that by (a) making the doll myself and (b) making it a robot, I effectively (c) committed slanderous blasphemy to Flat Stanley and all the kids who pray to him for literacy skillz. I feel kind of dumb because instead of participating in the Flat Stanley project I ended up making a mockery of it and myself. I wish I never would have googled "Flat Stanley" because knowing what I know now totally deflates the feeling I had. The feeling that playing with paper robots meant I was all hip and cool and internet compatible. In reality it just meant I'm retarded.

Thank goodness I didn't share these pics with anyone here at space station. They don't understand me like you do, internets. You're not like the rest of the Antracticans. You know me and you think I'm cool.

What did you just whisper to me through my screen?

Oh, I love you too, internets.

1 comment:

Smurfwreck said...

I think Flat C-Petey just learned how to conjugate in French or some junk. You are helping the kids, but just the gay-leaning-gold-flat-french-paper-robots ones.


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