Monday, October 16, 2006

Transformers ad from 20 years ago of the week-Goofy Boyd's ads

In 1986, Boyd's Drug Mart here in Rapid City ran a couple of mistake laden ads for Transformers. Normal people would let it go-heck, it's been 20 years. But super scary robot nerds like myself love this kind of stuff.

First up is the total train wreck of an ad you see here from November 30th, 1986. Not only does the text not make any sense (strike 1), but then they picture a Go-Bot next to the description (strike 2). I guess in '86 there were just so many toy robots around that they figured they were all the same. I guess the Transformers lexicon can get a little confusing to people who don't have carnal knowledge of Stunticons and Arielbots. But the toy pictured is a deluxe Go-Bot, and I know one of those cost more at retail than $3.39 (strike 3!) I can imagine the multiple layers of chaos that ensued when all those moms went to buy their kids Stunticons at Boyd's.

Imagine you're ten years old and you're one Stunticon away from completing your Menasor. You've got Motormaster, who you saved up 10 weeks of allowance to get. You've got Drag Strip the retarded looking six wheeled F1 car. You've got Wildrider the totally forgettable Ferrari. (Why did all the Transformer Ferraris suck?) You've got Breakdown the white Lamborghini, who's plastic is beginning to show the earliest stages of yellowing because it's taken so long to complete your set of Stunticons. All you need is Dead End the maroon Porsche, who makes up Menasor's right leg.

Let me tell you. Being one toy away from completing a Scramble City combiner sucked. Of course you could substitute an Arielbot or a Combaticon in the place of Dead End, but that would be morally reprehensible to me. You didn't know much about morals and values at 12 years old, but as a die hard Transformers fan, such substitutions were abominations. You are so dedicated to completing this set that you even refuse to transform the Stunticons you have into their Menasor configurations to roughly see what it would look like. You are saving their combiner virginity for the day when you'll have them all. You are so close to reaching that final rung of self-fulfillment in your personal heirarchy of Transformer needs you can taste it.

Of course parents don't really have the time or devotion to know every little bit of minutae about the Stunticons, but they can be taught. Your mom is especially willing to be trained so you as a twleve year old give her the rundown of how what you'd need to complete Menasor is his right leg named Dead End and here's how she can help you make this dream come true. You tell her the one final piece to your puzzle is a Porsche and it should be around three bucks and it's called a Stunticon. So then she's looking at Boyd's ad and there's a robot that looks like it could turn into a Porsche and it's described as a Stunticon and it's generally in the right price range. Your mom thinks she's gonna score mad mom points by getting you this Transformer and-double super happy bonus-it's on sale!

So she goes to Boyd's with this ad in tow and even if by some miracle they sell her the deluxe Go-Bot for $3, she's still bought you the wrong toy. So you're all dissapointed and on Christmas day you jump off the roof of the tortilla factory down the street by the dead end and when the doctors get though piecing together your mangled body they have to amputate your right leg. And since all the kids in 6th grade know about your nerd quest to complete your toy robot they give you the cruel nickname "Menasor Jones" to remind you how much of a big dork you are! AWKWARD!

Two weeks later, on Sunday, December 14th, Boyd's ran this ad. This time they got a robot from the correct toyline to go along with the ad. Their description still sucks, though. Using "Transformer Autobot Assortment" is pretty useless considering the Autobots in '86 spanned many different size classes, from minicars all the way up to the gargantuan (for 1986) Autobot city Metroplex. Speaking of which, Rodimus Prime is pictured-a toy that I know was in the $20 price range. But hey, it's $3.79 and that's 40 cents more than the Stunticons and Arielbots they had advertised two weeks before. So maybe that is what they were selling Rodimus for. Who knows. I wish I was in Rapid City back in '86 to see all the moms trying to buy Rodimus Prime for 4 bucks.

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