The women of Robotech (and how to play with them) OR:YOU COULD TELL WHICH KID AT SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE TV BECAUSE HIS ROBOTS WERE ALWAYS GOING ON DATES

I have read the argument made that little boys will pretend to shoot things by making a gun with their hand and all toy gun makers do is provide a prop to flesh out the fantasy a bit. The idea is that the play pattern is already going to occur and there are other themes beyond gunplay like pretend wrestling, superhero imitating and of course, war. Being a little boy once myself I thought that playing war was just another natural play pattern and I would be doing it regardless of whether I was pretending with factions comprised of army men, rubber dinosaurs or plastic robots (or even plastic rubber dinosaur robot armies). But holy crap I just came across a buttload of Robotech commercials and now I wonder how much war playing I did was a result of watching toy commercials and trying to emulate them.



When the little girl says "Get ready for battle!" it weirds me out. It isn't something I expect little girls to say. Maybe certain gender roles are ingrained in my brain and that's why I find it jarring. It occurs to me that instead of targeting 80s war toys and their cartoon tie-ins children's advocates would have had more of a case if they targeted the 30 second commercials. The shows were just entertainment and once out of the box the toys could be played with however a child wanted. But the 30 second commercials were where kids were given explicit examples of how the toys should be played with. The commercials were where I saw other little boys banging their robots together and little girls making their dolls go on pretend dates. Thank you, 80s toy commercial producers because had I never seen any toy commercials I would never have been able to figure out what to do with all those rocket launchers, swords and rifles my plastic rubber dinosaur robots came with.

VINTAGE SPACE TOAST TOUR DENVERADO LIVE (part 3 of 3)

Recorded Sunday, 12 October 2008

The next best thing to reading there

Google has been archiving newspaper articles and in some instances, microfilm of the papers themselves have been digitized! This kicks ass because it's like a virtual microfilm machine that lets me strain my eyes and sanity searching through the Saint Petersburgh Times at home without ever having to go to Florida. The pull out ads are missing so its usefulness as a source for vintage space toaster ads is limited, but oftentimes I'll run into a great toy robots related article that makes the looking worthwhile.

25 years ago in Transfomrers PART 4: IN SPANISH IT MEANS KRONDAY!

Back in 1993 I was vacationing in Denver when I went into a comic book shop and under the counter glass they had what looked like a red Transformers Sunstreaker and a black Ironhide. I had no idea what they were and the comic shop guy said they were "the rare Japanese versions". Just as goats have an innate fear and distrust of chupacabras, I fear and distrust information from comic shop employees. This was way before I had internet and pre Thoroughly Informative Transformers Themed Internet Entertainment Sites so I had no way of fact checking comic shop man's assertion. But I got the feeling he wasn't very credible because in the same display there was a Hubcap he was trying to pawn off as Bumblejumper. This "Hubblejumper" misidentification is usually indicative of either a) comic shop assholery (if they're trying to rip off people who don't know better) or b) comic shop dumbassery (as in, they are dumbasses). The latter is usually the case.

YOU GOTTA BE FIRST, BEST, OR DIAKRON

Japanese or not, twenty bucks each seemed a bit steep for the wrong colored and possibly knockoff Sunstreaker and Ironhide, but I bought them anyways. I noticed the red countach had a sticker that said "Diakron" on it and years later the internet helped me figure out just what these things were. It turned out Diakron was an attempt by Takara (the japanese creators of many toys that would eventually be sold as Transformers) to market their own line of transforming toy robots in America back in 1983. This was before Hasbro partnered up with them to create the Transformers. The Diakron line was originally made up of a robot called Multiforce 14, three pull back and go Powerdashers, and three transforming robot cars named DK-1, DK-2 and DK-3. Those last three were toys that would eventually go on to become known as Sunstreaker, Ironhide and Trailbreaker once Hasbro picked them for Transformers, except they started out in different colors from their Transformer release. Diakron is also the tenth circle of toy robot hell-after you know about it, forever does that knowledge mark you a nerd.

I'LL SEE YOUR KRON AND RAISE YOU A FORM

Despite being the first attempt at a US release of Takara's transforming robots (which would later go on to become one of the most popular toylines ever), Diakron itself has gone down in history as being unsuccessful. But is this the truth? There exists an interview with Paul Kurnit, the then executive
vice president of Griffin-Bacal during the launch of the Transformers, where Mr. Kurnit states that one problem the line had was that Diakron's name "had no meaning to anyone". I take personal offense at that. Obviously in Spanish it means "Kron Day".

TRU 14 December 1984

Mr. kurnit also goes on to say Diakron's "launch was a colossal failure because in no way, other than the fact that they were ingenious toys, did it connect to anything meaningful in kids' lives". Kurnit isn't the only former exec harsh on the 'Kron. George Dunsay, Hasbro's vice president of research and development in 84, states the line didn't do well because of a lack of marketing. So here we have a pattern of executives involved in the creation of the Transfomers repeatedly stressing the "failure" of Takara to market their robot toys successfully in the US. But I've seen ads that show Takara continued selling the Multiforce 14 well into 1985. While it's true that the Diakron name 'died' after 1984, all Takara did was change it to Kronoform and continue to sell their Multiforce 14 and other robots that were not picked up as Transformers. I also recognize Japanese marketing brilliance in "Kronoform" being a way for Takara to keep their "Kron" while capitalizing off the Trans"Form"ers name. Despite being a marketing failure to some, DiaKron(oform) remained profitable enough that it lasted at least three years. There is no denying that some of Takara's toys would not have reached the level of popularity they enjoyed had they not been reborn as Transformers, but there is also no denying the rage that swept a nation, KRONOFORM ROBOT WATCH!

MUCH OF MY SELF RESPECT DEPENDS ON THE DISTRIBUTION PATTERN OF CERTAIN TOY ROBOT LAMBORGHINIS

Circus World 28 November 1984

I personally don't remember Diakron on the toystore shelves but it was '83 and at nine years old I was all obsessed with He-Man. I used to beat myself up for not being more sentient as a child because it cost me a chance to be on the Diakron bandwagon from the beginning (and also forty bucks at that comic book store 10 years later). But then that interview with George Dunsay came along and he stated that Diakron was a Toys R Us exclusive line. Since I had a couple of friends older than me who remembered TRU being the only place they saw Diakron back in the day, I accepted that and I stopped hating on my He-Man obsessed 9 year old self. My hometown of El Paso, Texas didn't get a Toys R Us until 1987. I was at peace with myself in the same way that I can accept not being the guy who invented Star Wars because 30-years-older-than-me George Lucas beat me to it.

But then little holes began springing up in that TRU exclusive theory. First off, why have I never seen a Diakron toy with a TRU price tag? Speaking of price tag, there's a picture of a Diakron countach at Super Toy Archive where the badly mangled price tag seems to be that of KB Toys. I rationalized that by theorizing KB oftentimes acted as toy liquidators and maybe they bought up TRU's remaining Diakron stock for clearancing at their stores. I could still live with myself if that were the case because El Paso just barely got a KB in '83 and they were all about new toys, not clearance stuff. So I still never had a chance, right?

THE BEST LAID KRONS OFT GO AWRY

But there were always lingering doubts in my mind. How could Denver, a place that never had a Toys R Us until 1990, have Diakrons in comic shops? Toy robots archaeology was much simpler before eBay because where you found toy robots was usually the same geographic area where they were sold at retail. Finding a toy robot on the secondary market at a swap meet or garage sale or comic shop was strong evidence that the toy robot originated at a toystore in that area. I found the usual exception to this back in the 90s was comic shops near military bases because military people tend to come from everywhere and sell their stuff to the nearest collectibles dealer. But the bases in Colorado were all in or near Colorado Springs, 80 miles south of Denver. How could I have found roboarchaeological evidence of Diakrons in Denver in 1993 if they were Toys R Us exclusives ten years prior?

Circus World 30 November 1983

Then a bomb dropped on me during Vintage Space Toast Tour Denver this month when I was looking for Zoids ads in 1983 newspapers. Again, Denver didn't have a Toys R Us until 1990 so finding a Diakron Robot Cars ad was the last thing I ever thought would happen. But lo and behold, in the Novemeber 30th, 1983 edition of the Rocky Mountain News was a flyer from Circus World advertising Diakron Robot Cars of the Future. I was both excited and pissed off. Excited because a Diakron Robot Cars ad is one of my Vintage Space Toaster Palace holy grails, and pissed off because this proved Diakron was not Toys R Us exclusive, KB probably did have them new in El Paso in '83, and I was a nine year old dumbass.

EVERY DIA HAS ITS KRON

Circus World was a very different, very separate retail chain from Toys R Us. In the wake of this ad and the KB price tag at Super Toy Archive I can only conclude Dunsay misremembered, but I'm left wondering why he'd say Diakron was exclusive to TRU. There's got to be a nugget of truth in there somewhere. Did he really mean Diakron was exclusive to the less prominent Circus World, but he forgot the specific chain? I've never found a TRU ad for Diakron but that means little. And I certainly don't feel betrayed by George Dunsay or anything. This isn't Ben Kenobi telling me Darth Vader killed my father (and then it turns out Darth Vader is my father). It's more like Ben Kenobi telling me Darth Vader had an extensive Diakron collection, all of which he bought at Toys R Us.

A ROBOPLASTICOLOGIST'S WORK IS NEVER KRON

I was pretty happy to find the robot cars ad on this, the 25th anniversary of the Diakron line. I think I will celebrate November 30th as Kron Day in rememberance. Now that I've found a Circus World Diakron Robot Cars ad, the next step is to find one from Toys R Us and maybe even Kay Bee. Then after that, build a time machine and go back to 1983, wait in KayBee Toys in El Paso and smack my 9 year old He-Man loving self in the back of the head when I see him in the action figure aisle.

VINTAGE SPACE TOAST TOUR DENVERADO LIVE (part 2 of 3)

Recorded Saturday, 11 October 2008

A somewhat brief and very incomplete history of 1980s ToyStoreSauruses in Denver (by someone who never lived there) part 1 of 2: Children's Palace

Much like a caveman being mauled by a Tyrannosaurus, my wife finds my hobbies incomprehensible and terrifying. So what I tell her is Roboplasticology-the study of ancient toy robot ads of long ago-is much like dinocheology, the study of ancient dinosaur bones. Famous real life dinosaur dinocheologists like Doctor Alan Grant have much in common with Roboplasticologists like myself. Just as dinocheologists dig through rock to find deeply buried fossilized dinosaur bones, I dig through countless reels of library microfilm searching for deeply buried photocopied toy robots ads. At the end of the day, Dinocheologists can put all their bones together and have a more or less complete Tyrannosaurus that tells them about the ancient world of dinosaurs. Much like them, I put my ads together to construct ToyStoreSaurus skeletons that tell me of the ancient world of now extinct 1980s retail stores that sold toy robots. ToyStoreSaurus is closely related to the enormous Wasteoftimeus Rex.

THEY DON'T SPELL TOYS R US OUT BECAUSE TOYSAREUS LOOKS LIKE TYRANNOSAURUS

During Vintage Space Toast Tour Denver I was able to get a rough idea of what the 1980s Colorado toy robots scene was like. Much like the Jurassic Period, the 1980s were a time when now extinct giants thrived in the greater Denver metropolitan area-giants like Lionel Playworld and Children's Palace. Unfortunately the deadliest predator in the ancient world of ToyStoreSauruses was the dreaded ToysaReUs. Once a ToysaReUs Rex entered the retail environment it would mercilessly consume the sales of all other toy stores until they became extinct. This is exactly what happened in Denver. Denver in the 80s was a peaceful place where multiple Lionel Playworlds and Children's Palaces coexisted in harmony for almost a decade until the carnivorous ToysaReUs came along in 1990 and killed them all off within a year and a half.

21 October 1984	16 November 1984

But before the dark times, before the empire of Geoffrey Giraffe, there were five Children's Palace stores in Colorado with four of them being in or near the greater Denver metropolitan area. One of my goals was to track down and take pictures of the buildings that these stores used to be in (if they still existed). The first store opened in October of 1984 and was located at 5022 South Jellison Way in southwest Denver. It was followed within a few weeks by a store at 13686 E Alameda Avenue next to Aurora Mall. They both had their grand opening on November 17th, 1984. I was fortunate enough to find the buildings that used to be these first two Children's Palaces. It wasn't hard because the architecture is pretty unique. The Jellison store is now a gymnastics center and it's where I filmed VINTAGE SPACE TOAST TOUR DENVERADO LIVE (part 1 of 3). The Alameda store is now a Dollar Tree.


Denver's first Children's Palace


Denver's other first Children's Palace

Unfortunately the buildings that used to be the other two Children's Palaces in Denver weren't as easy to locate. They opened in 1988 along with a store in Colorado Springs. One of them was at 7025 West 88th and when I drove there I found a gigantic Ross store that didn't look very Children's Palacey to me. The other location was listed in the ads as being next to the doomed Cinderella City, a mall in Englewood that has since been demolished. I drove around endlessly looking for that Cinderella City Children's Palace but I could not find a store that matched the architecture I was looking for. Either it was built differently, renovated, or demolished along with the rest of the mall. Also, I could be dumb and just didn't see it.


This is the store at the address of what used to be a Children's Palace

I was really grateful for Children's Palace because all throughout the mid to late 80s they ran Sunday sales flyers during the holiday season. Other stores weren't as consistent with their full color pull out ads, but Children's Palace always had something in that Sunday paper. Near the way end of the Transformers toyline in '89 and '90, Children's Palace could be counted on to still throw in some robots in their ads well after most other chains had dropped advertising Transformers completely. This helped me immensely while I was looking for those tail end Transformer ads amongst an onslaught of newsprint Nintendos and Ninja Turtles.

IT MAKES SENSE IF YOU ARE A BRONTOSAURUS

The end of Children's Palace in Colorado came September 15, 1991 when they closed their doors forever. If I ever go back to Denver for another Vintage Space Toast Tour I will check out the papers from that era to see if they advertised during those last lonely days. For now I am happy to have found a couple of ads from their heyday. One of my favorite Children's Palace flyers has a front page that proclaims "DISCOVER HOW MUCH LESS TOYS CAN COST!" and then right under that they have the Omega Supreme of GI Joe playsets, the Defiant Space Shuttle Complex which cost over $100. Oh, mighty Children's Palace I can almost still hear you roar.

22 November 1987	04 December 1988

VINTAGE SPACE TOAST TOUR DENVERADO LIVE (part 1 of 3)

Recorded Friday, 10 October 2008