Monday, January 17, 2011


Hanging out with my son and other assorted three year old hellions has taught me that preschoolers will mimic the behaviors of those people they most idolize, who are never their parents but instead the goofy cartoon monsters they see on Yo Gabba Gabba. Thankfully those goofy cartoon monsters are trying to teach positive values and acceptable social behaviors. I realize it's a form of brainwashing but I'll do anything to get my son to learn lessons like other people's feelings are important and cultural diversity is a strength of our society (or at the very least, don't bite your friends).


I ran into a problem today when I was getting ready to take my kid to daycare and from out of nowhere he throws his shoe at my butt while yelling "ROCKET PUNCH!" I had a flashback to over the weekend when we watched a ton of episodes of Tranzor-Z. It was kind of cute to see him run around the house with his arms in the air yelling "TRANZZZOR ZEEEEE!" in that funny way little 3 year olds talk. But the rocket butt punch was not a good sign. I should have seen it coming, though. During the weekend he went on a playdate with his mom (The Queen of Macrocrania) and she told me he was running around yelling "Tranzor-Z!" while all the other kids stood around wondering what the hell was going on. The other mommies wanted to know if Tranzor-Z was a Nickelodeon show and what time it came on, to which my wife responded, "Well, knowing his dad it's definitely not on Nickelodeon and it probably came out 20 years ago."


So while I was dropping the Prince of Macrocrania off at daycare today I realized that there would have to be an addendum to my usual goodbye speech. Before I left him with his teacher we went over the rules of good behavior real quick as we usually do. It's a short list but it covers all the major horrible things kids do to each other because they're not aware that other children are indeed alive and feel pain (and also because they are vicious hellions). In addition to telling him "...and remember, no hitting, no kicking, no spitting and don't bite your friends" I also had to throw in something about not rocket punching anybody. It was weird having to tell someone that while being totally serious about it. Don't rocket punch your friends! It sounded weird but cool at the same time. I'm not sure if I'm raising a) a little boy who confuses cartoon fantasies with actual reality or b) a super robot from 1985. What I do know is that the writers of Yo Gabba Gabba are benevolent geniuses who know more about what's appropriate for children than I do based on my son's behavior after watching Yo Gabba Gabba vs. Tranzor-Z. I will have to stop emailing them about how the robot in their show for 3 year olds could use some chest missiles, laser beam eyes and flamethrower breath.

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.