How R2-D2 is an important part of this balanced breakfast

As I was researching various cable providers I noticed a lot of them refer to their products as satisfying their customers' "entertainment needs". I don't really think entertainment is a need-my body doesn't need entertainment to live-but I do feel I've grown up conditioned to expect music in the air and moving pictures on screens wherever I go.

The menu for 12/11/77

Maybe the cable companies should reword their pitches to replace "entertainment needs" with "entertainment expectations". Or maybe I'm just uncomfortable with how right they really are. Considering how freaked out I get by absolute silence maybe it should read "entertainment addictions".

TV IS MY DINNER

If there is an entertainment component to a healthy mind and body then is there an entertainment food pyramid? If we truly have entertainment needs then is there a certain way to ensure they are met just as there is a certain way to eat right? as Surgeon General Entretenimiento of the Kingdom of Macrocrania I think I've found just that parallel. At the bottom of the entertainment pyramid is pure entertainment. This is entertainment that comes from being entertained firsthand. Pure entertainment is experiencing a concert or seeing a movie or watching a play or reading books. Pure entertainment is the meat and potatoes of the entertainment pyramid. You need as much of it as possible. Then there is a secondary level of entertainment that comes from discussing that which entertained you with others who were also entertained. Conversation about entertainment with other people is like candy and snacks-you can't have too much of it or it gives you high blood pressure. (Some people are sort of weirdos with crazy ideas if you know what I mean.)

PODCASTS ARE JUNK FOOD IN A WELL BALANCED DIET OF ENTERTAINMENT NUTRITION AND I'M REALLY REALLY BLOATED

The last entertainment is the most bad for you as it lacks purity or interactivity-it's passively listening or reading other people talking about entertainment without participating yourself. They could be talking about entertainments I've never even experienced or care about. I call this non-interactive meta engagement. This is pretty much what I do as a podcast listener, message board lurker or reader of any sort of review and it's dangerous because I feel like I'm being entertained but the entertainment is several degrees removed. It's empty entertainment calories. There are even risks like those associated with bad eating habits. Too much exposure to other people's entertainment opinions exposes me to the danger of being ruined by spoilers or bad reviews that could affect my attitude about a movie or show before I experience it. The problem is I'm addicted to this behavior even though it's bad for me. I now know so much about certain movies and comics I've never seen that I have no willingness to see them. It's like not eating salted fermented squid butts because I overheard somebody talking about what they taste like, and just because that guy hated them I'm losing out on the nutritional entertainment value of salted fermented squid butts. I think you can tell where I'm going here. GI Joe movie = salted fermented squid butts

FEED ME, OBI WAN KENOBI. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE

09/24/09

The other night for my wife's birthday we went to go see the Disney Princesses on ice show and holy hell was that like being force fed fried chupacabra nards. But I was smart and I smuggled in a copy of the weekly entertainment tabloid newspaper to read and I found something to chew on. I may be deficient in vitamin R2-D2 but there's going to be a stop in Miami on the Star Wars in Concert tour. I didn't think they were coming here because it wasn't on the list at their website so I got excited. Attending this will be like a four course Thanksgiving feast served by C-3PO himself. Star Wars concert-it won't just be good, it'll be good FOR me.