Monday, August 04, 2008

The day I lost my Optimus Prime


My mom said to never take them to school
My transforming robots of plastic
But as a boy all I wanted to do
Was make other kids jealous and frantic

It was nineteen eighty five and I was eleven
and though fifth grade was a bit old for toys
With my favoritest robot hidden in mom's Astro van
I was off to make envious the other boys

It was the day I lost my Optimus Prime
the day I accused everyone of the crime
of stealing my best friend at the time
because the day I lost my Optimus Prime
was the day I lost my mind

It must have been when I went to lunch or recess
or when I went to take a short crap
cause sometime between then was when Optimus
disappeared from my Voltron backpack!

The other kids I suspected and suspects I selected
and I could not stop the my facial ticks and twitches
Some girls in back were giggling at my panic attack
And I screamed, "Shut the hell up you ten year old bitches!"

It was the day I lost my Optimus Prime
the day I accused everyone of the crime
of stealing my best friend at the time
because the day I lost my Optimus Prime
was the day I lost my mind

I got sent to the principal for distracting the students
I said I WAS ROBBED! HELP ME SAVE OPTIMUS'S LIFE!
But he gave me detention and then I concluded
The Decepticons got me real good this time

So for me there was no telling and showing or bragging
Only obsessing and accusing and nagging and scheming
And when the day ended and the Astro van landed
I knew I'd be dealing with my mom's horrid screaming

But without yelling to my room she sent me instead
and there he was right under my bed
with a note from my mom that clearly read
"If you ever do that again you're gonna be dead"

It was the night I found my Optimus Prime
after I accused everyone of the crime
of stealing my best friend at the time
And the night that I found my Optimus Prime
I finally learned to take care of the things that were mine

5 comments:

Sean said...

That's really well-written. That's funny but it's touching too. Good work.

Paul said...

awww nice...

Did you ever read my post on Toy Bender where I lost my Soundwave?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Yeah Paul I read your story the night you posted it and it kind of choked me up. I had a real Roberta Flack moment because you were killing me softly with your blog. I was too embarrassed to write anything about what I went through, but knowing someone else went through a similar situation helped me let go of over 20 years of feeling shitty about something so trivial. Yesterday I lost my cell phone and while I was on my bike trying to find it I remembered what it was like to suspect everyone of doing this horrible thing.

My Transformers story was actually very different from the poem. In reality I lost one of the cassette guys in school-I think it was the red one Rumble. It wasn't Optimus Prime and I never went to the principal and there was no happy ending but you know you gotta embellish sometimes. Still, the feeling of knowing someone I thought was my friend stole my things was awful. Not knowing exactly who compounded it all. And until you shared your story I felt like I was the only one who ever went through this.

I found my cellphone yesterday but I never got my Rumble back. It really sucks that these things happened when we were so young and still somewhat optimistic about life. For me it was just Rumble and I guess I got over it but your story is a lot worse in some ways because there was so much anticipation and disappointment at such a young age. We were exposed to thievery and deceit and discovered our own capacity to distrust/hate others and we really lost something more than the toys.

You made a good point that I think doesn't get talked much about-that shelf life of a single wave or figure is often too short (even to this day). Although Soundwave theoretically was shipping in case assortments for two years that didn't help the kid who missed out and was still looking for one in '86 or 87 or beyond. I feel like Star Wars has it right because for the past five years I could almost guarantee that whenever I walked into a store I could buy a Darth Vader. But even nowadays with Transformers in the US you really have to act when you see it or there may never be another chance. The same figure being available for two consecutive years is almost unheard of.

I also agree with another thought you had. Yeah it's great that we eventually got a reissue Soundwave and other Transformers, but for me and every other kid that got their stuff stolen back 20 years ago never to have it replaced, it's all 20 years too late.

Weasel said...

There was no way I could take any "small" toys to school; Mom would have killed me and if it had been lost/stolen.....

I'm still pissed at myself for losing Yoda's snake in my front yard. I was 8 when it happened and swore I would never let a small piece of dearly loved plastic leave my house again. (One of these days I'll find that damned day-glo orange snake on eBay, buy it and it make sure it will never leave my sight again!)

Paul said...

@Evil wow your response would make a good post in itself. It's great to know that us toy losers (victims of theft) aren't alone!

Agreed on Star Wars getting it right. Collectors complain about the constant barrage of main characters, but what about the kids that don't get into it until later?

I don't think I mentioned in that post that I actually lost a Storm Shadow under mysterious circumstances as well. I kind of wonder now if Soundwave and Storm Shadow are my favorite characters from their respective toy lines based on their awesomeness or that they were stolen from me in childhood.

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.