Friday, July 25, 2008

A toy robot is a wish that your butt makes (The Ghost of Alternity)

One cold snowy day I finally put my toy robots away
when my real truck broke for like the ten thousandth time
I popped open the hood, looked at the engine real good, and thought
This crap never happens to Optimus Prime

The starter had to be replaced and with snow and ice falling on my face
Under the truck with my ratchet I was loosening silver bolts
Looking back it's plain to see I should have disconnected the battery
Cause the starter fell on me, shocking with a thousand silver volts

And I came to and with a fright I viewed a ghostly sight
It was a car parts robot phantom with an alternator head
He had fenders in his thighs and bright fiery red piston eyes
and Hasbro copyright stampings on his tire treads

At first I was scared but he seemed familiar as I stared
and I recognized within him a long lost affection
Seemingly sad he said to me, I'm the ghost of Alternity
I am the part of you that loved your robot plastic collection

As I slowly rolled my eyes he said he just wanted to know why
So I broke it gently to my oddly emo robot ghost
I said I'm okay, I'll be fine, I'll still dream about Optimus Prime
But I've finally figured out that you should know

A toy robot is a wish that your butt makes
When you buy one you ain't thinking with your head
You might think it makes you feel like you're a kid again
But at thirty it just makes you feel retarded instead

He saw I no longer cared and he needed to get out of there
but he wanted to thank me for the last twenty five years
So we talked of the fun we had when I was ten in G1
and I saw him cry a bright fiery red piston tear

Then I changed out my starter and for the ghost it got harder
to leave, but I told him hey, you'll be just fine
I said dude don't be bummed, I still see you when I see my son
And my truck started the very first time


Weasel said...

That's oddly sweet, in a twisted sort of weird way.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Yeah this one came out a lot more emo than I expected. It's embarrassing but whatever.

I may as well rename the blog "Please Save Me 16 Year Old Girl Robots Poems".

Weasel said...

I wouldn't call it emo, just a bit sentimental. (Trust me, I did some emo shit back in the late teens and twenties. It wasn't pretty!) There's a nice balance of sour with the sweet, which I'm loving. More please!


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.