For a long time movies have existed not as epic storytelling experiences, but as feature length commercials for Harrison Ford action figures. When you go to the latest family friendly animated cuddly animals movie you are expected to not only develop a sympathetic connection to the characters so that the story entertains you, but you are expected to develop that connection so you will buy backpacks and Lego sets and first person shooter video games featuring those characters at Toys R Us. Most movies nowadays accomplish this easily and the merchandise tie-ins featuring packages with pictures of the super cuddly homicidal alien robots are usually items we would have bought anyways like cereal, toys and anal lube. But the mark of a truly great movie is its ability to get you to buy craptifacts-artifacts or other bizarre crap from within the context of the movie that has absolutely no purpose in real life other than assisting people into deluding themselves for even the briefest of moments that they actually live in a world where things like homicidal alien robots exist. At first it may seem insane for anyone to want to experience a reality where all of humanity lives in constant danger of eradication by angry space robots, but believe me, I PRAY FOR IT EVERYDAY.Like I said before, I missed out on a lot of stuff as a kid because I had toy robot tunnel vision. Consequently I've never seen Blade Runner, which is a movie everybody likes that I think has Harrison Ford playing some sort of badass laserbeam detective. I have decided that although I have never seen it, Blade Runner must be the most fantastic story ever because next week's five disc super deluxe collector's edition DVD comes with an origami unicorn. In light of how much of the world's plastic has already been used on Harrison Ford action figures, anybody who wanted an action figure of Harrison Ford in laser beam detective disguise is a total asshole. Pre-folded craptifact origami unicorn is the greatest DVD bonus ever. For me the real question is not 'Should I buy a 5 disc edition of a movie I've never seen?', it's more like 'Do I want a pre-folded origami unicorn on its own merits right now?' And of course the answer is no, but any movie that would make me want a pre-folded origami unicorn I didn't make myself has got to be insanely good, so then the answer must be yes.
3 comments:
Damn. That's one insane special edition paraphernalia.
You'll either like the film or you'll hate it. Blade Runner seems to run along pure black and white lines when it comes to liking it.
At least this version is as close to what Ridley Scott wanted to do as opposed the original versions released in the theatre and on VHS years ago.
Blade Runner is almost as bad as Star Wars when it comes to Super Special Deluxe Collector's pompous-ass Director's "This is the way I REALLY wanted the movie to be" Cut Editions. I was thinking of getting this version of Blade Runner only cause I don't own it on DVD yet. Didn't know about the origami Unicron. That's pretty friggin' sweet. I didn't even know Unicron was in the movie. He must appear in one of those scenes with the Millenium Falcon.
If I pay $100 for the Blu-ray version to find out I hate this movie, I'm going to be pissed. Buying the same movie five times in one box is sort of retarded in the first place.
High-def sucks anyway. My eyes are so bad that an upscaled regular DVD looks just as good as any high definition version. So if I do get this, I'm going to see how mauch Wal-Mart is charging for the regular briefcase version and then make my decision. I don't know why these directors can't just make the movie they want in the first place and call it a day.
uNICRON is in the scene where Jack Ryan and The Fugitive steal Indiana Jones' whip and run down the hall. Unicron comes rolling behind them like a big boulder. It's really exciting.
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