Friday, December 28, 2007

Kuat Drive Yard Blues

AT-ATs stomped my life today
they came right to my door
not from a galaxy far away
but from some online store

first they stomped my spending cash
then they stomped my food
then they stomped my bill money
AT-ATs are very rude

They were stomping and I tried to drive away
but I didn't get very far
because AT-ATs stomped my car payment
so now I have no car

AT-ATs stomped my mortgage money
my wife was not impressed
because AT-ATs stomped all the money
we were going to invest

AT-ATs can stomp all sorts of craft
like snowspeeders and x-wings and skiffs
but AT-ATs stomped my most important ride
they stomped my relation-ship

AT-ATs stomped my house and wife
I'm an AT-AT attack survivor
I know there were four-that's all I could afford
my wife ran off with the AT-AT driver

AT-ATs stomped my life today
my life was never bleaker
I have no home, I'm all alone
I should have bought snowspeeders

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have never before read such beautiful poetry. Well, maybe I have. I dont read much poetry. I did like this a lot. No foolin'.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Yeah I don't read poetry either. I don't really care for it and I even think my own writing comes off extremely Doctor Seuss-ish. It makes me cringe reading it but the only saving grace is I think it's funny. So I hate poetry in general but sometimes I get ideas in my head and it's more interesting to write them that way instead of flat out writing, "I once knew a guy whose wife divorced him because he spent all their money on Star Wars".

I think the big poetry turnoff for me is the lack of writers writing poems on subjects I want to read about. I wish toy bloggers would write poems about their feelings and experiences. I've found one toy blog that's decent and it has a poetry section but the poems aren't even about toy collecting. Didn't you blog a haiku once? I thought that was pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I blogged a haiku about some Star Wars toys last month. I think that if I did more poetic toy stuff, it would be in haiku format.

Heavyarms said...

Alright, this is something that I've always wanted to ask other Star Wars fans and always thought it was too geeky. But now I don't care...

Do you pronounce AT-AT "ay-tee ay-tee" or "at-at?" Because NO ONE says "at ssst," you say "ay tee ess tee." (chicken walker)

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I just say at-at. That's how I hear it in my head when I'm writing poems.

Until you brought it up, I never noticed that they don't actually say 'At-AT' in the movie! I also never noticed the dichotomy between the standard pronunciations of the two different mecha names. The things I take for granted.

Heavyarms said...

Let me really blow your mind then...

Should you pronounce the robot bounty hunter 4-LOM "four lahm" or "four el oh em" or should it be "four lohm" with a long "o?"

If we follow standard droid naming convention, it should be "four el oh em." The only on-screen reference we have is C-3PO, and we don't say "see three POH."

However, Zuckuss and 4-LOM were originally going to be named "Boush" and "LOM." As the story goes, the bug-eyed bounty hunters were going to be named after Bausch & Lomb. If the two names are supposed to sound similar, it would be "four lohm" with a long "o."

Or should it be pronounced "four lahm" as in "ROM," which in turn conjurs images of computers and electiontronics and "ROM: Space Knight?"

This is the kind of stuff that keeps me awake at night.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Hey thanks! I didn't know I could feel any more dorky than I already do when I say those names. To think I could have been saying them wrong all these years makes me wonder if other Star Wars people were laughing at me behind my back. Hooray for retrospective insecuritiy!

Heavyarms said...

There's a secret cabal out there that knows everything, EVERYTHING, about Star Wars. Even more than Darth Lucas, himself. And yes, they're always laughing behind out backs.

 

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.