____HOLICS accept ____US __RI__ as their lord and savior (Answers below!)

When I was a little kid my dad would make me go to church with him and one thing that struck me as odd was how Catholic mass begins right off the bat with a prayer called the Confiteor about how I was such a big loser. So enormous was my suckitude that this prayer had me invoking not just the help of Jesus and Baby Jesus, but also heaven's middle management and other lesser wing-ed employees.

The Confiteor was a huge downer and it isn't exactly one of the selling points my dad mentioned when he was trying to get me to go to church. I didn't have to be reminded I was letting god down on a daily basis-I was well aware of that. But I guess having to say how much I suck as a person out loud to Jesus and Baby Jesus helped me feel better about how I would masturbate to Winnie from the Wonder Years and other miscellaneous bad stuff I did.

So now that my vacation is over I look back on these last three fun filled weeks and I'm suddenly aware that I forgot to observe several Holy Days of Obligation in the robot nerd religion. There was the release of the score to the Transformers movie and the release of the Transformers movie on DVD. It turns out I didn't go out and get them immediately like a good Roboholic would. It is not enough to buy Transformers DVD-it must be bought within seconds of when the stockboys put it on the shelves at the local Super Consumption MegaMart or else my toy robot nerd cred goes out the window. I did eventually buy Transformers DVD last night, six days after release, which is equivalent to celebrating Christmas on December 31st. Oh forgive me, Megatrons! I find myself feeling like I dissapointed yet another group of imaginary heores from outer space, just like I did when I was a little Catholic boy.

The Catholic Church and the Transformers both do a good job of making me feel monetarily indebted to the cheif protagonists of their respective fictions. After Optimus Prime went through all that trouble to save Earth the least I could to show my gratitude is buy his DVD, his voice changer helmet and his Mister Potato Head. Yup, not getting the Transformers movie DVD in all its multiple incarnations on the day of its release makes me feel pretty deficient as a fan of toy robots and more importantly-as a human being. In an even more flagrant sin against Roboholisism, I didn't buy the super special Best Buy exclusive premium edition metallic finish Megatron toy robot although I had numerous chances to do so. Honestly I was saving that 20 bucks in the hopes that Best Buy would have a DVD of the Wonder Years.

And so for this special Sunday edition of PSMR I have come up with a coping mechanism in the form of a prayer to help me deal with the guilt I have for not only not tithing 10 percent of my money to toy robots, but not doing it in a timely fashion. Here is the Roboholic Confeitor:

I confess to Optimus Prime, and to C-3P0 and Twiki from Buck Rogers,
that I have sinned through my own lack of buying toy robots,
and by not thinking of toy robots every second,
and not talking about toy robots to everyone I meet.
And by not buying multiple versions of the toy robots movie the day it came out on DVD,
and by repeatedly failing to buy enough toy robots.
And I ask blessed Sam Witwicky, ever virgin,
all the Autobots and Decepticons,
and you, my fellow Roboholics,
to pray for me to the Lord Darth Vader.