Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Holy crap lady your eBay auction is such a downer that after reading it I don't know whether to bid on your toy robots or get myself counseling

One weird thing people do when they sell their roboplasticos on eBay is they describe the sad, sappy circumstances leading up to their decision to sell off their stuff. Apparently hocking little plastic robots on eBay requires intense soul searching and deep self analysis. Lucky for me these wackos are more than happy to share the mysteries of the universe that they unlocked or the terrible misfourtunes they encountered leading them to sell their Spychanger Tiny Tins.

But my fellow Marcocranians, I have found the queen of eBay auction drama. She writes a colossal 1,500+ word auction description for her Transformers collection auction. It's a tale of love and heartbreak that includes the heart wrenching trifecta of: a) being happily married to a Transformers fan, b) him being in a motorcycle accident, and c) him dying of AIDS. So in other words she just lived through Toni Braxton's Unbreak My Heart video, except after her husband died she decided to Unbuy his Transformers. While I don't doubt her story, I seriously doubt she intends to sell the collection. Why? Because she's set the auction's Buy-It-Now price at ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Doctor Evil would be proud.

What do you get for one million dollars? Well about 100 Autobots, 100 Decepticons and 100 licensed items like kites and soap dishes. Almost every boxed robot has been opened with missing bubbles and the majority of carded ones have damaged cards or the bubbles are stapled. Plus for all her hype about it being a complete set of everything from '84-'86, she's still missing Bumblebjumper. But the kicker is that if you do the math, it all breaks down to over $3,000 an item! I need to put my Optimus Prime kite up on eBay right now!

Reading all of the auction description reveals that she's intending to use the money for good, as in paying off her debt and paying for veterinary school. Okay fine, but what raises alarms for me is how she uses the auction to plug the book she's writing and her website. She's just using the current popularity of Transformers and her dead husband's collection to promote her book. I'll bet she has no intention of selling this collection. She's just like those attention whores in Ninja Warrior who dress up as Spider-Man or a real ninja and then when it's time to get down to it, they fall into the water on the first obstacle.

This whole thing is really sad. I guess her first husband who died at 40 wins at life because he went out with the most toys. But what they don't tell you is that even if you die with the most toys, your wife is going to sell them ten years later and use the money to go live with a guy half her age. All I know is I don't wanna die and leave behind a lot of Beast Wars.

P.S.: Selling toy robots on eBay because "I'm going to college and I need tuition money so the robots have to go!" is getting pretty old. Somebody please show me this Transformer college that everybody's going to with the money they made from eBay toy auctions. How good can the education be if you got there with money you made from selling used Dinobots? I wonder if you have to explain what you sold to the financial aid board at Transformers College. "Yes, I'm here on a 1985 Transformers scolarship." "That's nice sir, but would that be a Dinobots scholarship or an Insecticons scholarship? Because the Insecticons dorms really suck."



naladahc said...

I went to the auction and immediately heard Doctor Evil in my head saying "one million dollars".

You are right. She doesn't want to sell it.

Or, she thinks because of that damn movie somehow this crap has this kind of value.

The people who buy crap on ebay are looking for deals and certainly, those buying plastic crack don't have that level of disposable income.

I could own multiple homes, take care of my family for decades, and give quality to a lot of people's lives for one million dollars.

S'all insane.

That said, I bid on your Unit 2 but lost.

naladahc said...

I so love the "kinda like shockwave" description too!

Hooper_X said...


it fuckin worked, too!


Rob said...

I enjoy your item descriptions. "I wussed out because it was so beautiful."

DeathscytheBruticus said...

If her husband died of AIDS in 1998 at the age of forty and HE was the Transformers collector, then how in the blue hell did he manage to get his hands on an MP-05 Megatron nearly ten years before it was officially released ?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Yeah, Nala I saw your bid on the Tigatron and it somewhat eased the pain of seeing you lose knowing you already have one.

Hoop I think you underestimate the value of your items. I doubt anyone inflated their bid thinking they were doing the right thing and helping you buy a ring. eBay bidders are only interested in raping the sellers as hard as possible, or at least that's how I go into it.

Yeah Rob I have now written some of the most retarded auction descriptions ever. I feel like I have nothing to lose since these toys aren't really that great and I doubt they'll pull anything. I might as well have fun with it.

And DSB, she's confusing MP-05 with the Megatrons she has. She obviously doesn't know much about Transformers and she's misinterpreting ebay's policies about MP-05.

Phoenix Lindgren said...

Actually, Dr. Evil was who I had in mind when I decided on putting the "Buy it Now" at a million dollars. It's a sum that commands attention, and I figured I'd need it to get top dollar for these toys I've spent the last 23 years protecting.
Anyway, I don't mind you bashing me and my motives on your little blog, but my husband isn't rolling in his grave--he's just decomposing along with all our dreams.
As to the Transformers college--for us it's UC Davis.
Good luck selling your reissue Optimus. Just like the MP-05 Megatron, I really don't know anything about Transformers beyond what we collected between 1984 and 1987. If that makes me some kind of TF pretender, so be it.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

I've been totally pwned on my own blog.

That was awesome.

Anonymous said...

Phoenix is awesome... this thread was funny.


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.