Dear EKM,
I have caught my son enjoying the music of Barry Manilow and Goo Goo Dolls. Usually I would not be worried but yesterday he was watching toy robots cartoons. As a supportive hetero parent I want to do the right thing and begin suppressing his gayness early before George Bush calls open season on homosexuals. HELP!
As you have found out, toy robots are tremendously gay. I would recommend getting your son into heavy metal, preferably Rob Halford-era Judas Priest but not Iron Maiden because I've heard some of their stuff and Bruce Dickinson sets off my gaydar. Fortunately Hasbro understands that parents may not appreciate the way toy robots turn little boys gay and they have developed homosexual repression robot battle armor. The helmet is actually a complex medical apparatus that injects horse testosterone into the child's brain. While there are flames on the armor, Hasbro assures us they are manly flames. Hasbro also wishes to remind gay male customers who are not ashamed of their homosexuality that one of the robots in the upcoming movie turns into a Pontiac Solstice.
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