Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The speed of your fax machine determines how much of a toy robots fan you are OR: ORBOTCON or BOTCON?

Damn I am so tired of people complaining how expensive it is to preregister for Botcon. What all you whiny robot chickens don't understand is the concept of CONventional Reflectoral Allsparkory Perceptory Economics, or CONRAPE for short. CONRAPE is an economic force affecting official convention registration costs for fandoms of cartoon toy robots. It's in all the wikkias and googles but I will explain it to you here.

Orbots modelAs a fanbase gets older it is very probable that their expendable income increases as well. Understandably, it is only fair that convention organizers who cater to people in a well established and large fandom be compensated proportionally to what those attendees can pay. For example, the exclusive toy at a convention for Mighty Orbots held in South Dakota this year was a $2 unpainted resin model kit some guy made in his garage. However, the exclusive convention toy at this year's Gundam convention in Antarctica is a $250,000 platinum plated Gundam figure with diamond eyes. Because Gundam is older than God (and more popular) and Mighty Orbots sucks Voltron balls.

In ten years it will cost $25,000 to preregister for Botcon but because at least 4 people can afford it, they'll keep doing the show. But don't think you don't get anything for 10 months of your entire yearly income. Those four lucky people will get blood transfusions from Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime. Peter will be providing voices in Michael Bay's Transformers the Movie PART X, which will be released that year. And each attendee of Botcon 2017 will get a box of 200 exclusive figures, 197 of which will be black repaints of that year's Optimus Prime. The three others will be new figures recolored in the paint schemes of obscure minicon characters from Transformers Armada to appease the 'old skool' fans. (Actually all characters from Transformers Armada are obscure even today because nobody watched Transformers Armada.) And Botcon 2017 will be on the moon.

Something else I can tell you about the future of this fandom is that Botcon will far outlast the retail Transformers toyline as long as hundreds of people keep paying over $300 in preregistration fees. Those more established well off fans will keep paying more and the convention organizers will keep charging it and giving them more of that addictive social interaction with other condescending fans, L33T feelings that come from owning exclusive Optimus Primes and other participatory toy robot event nirvana. What to do if you can't fully participate because you won't mortgage your house to go to Botcon? Well, the only alternative I see is to kill all Transformer fans over 30. They are the ones with high enough incomes to perpetuate the CONRAPE that the lesser fans are suffering. But if you come after me I will cut your head off and mail it to your mom via that cool new R2-D2 mailbox. I'm not going to Botcon this year anyways so back off!

Besides, you could always not pre-register for Botcon and just pay $9 at the door. Think of it this way-at least you're not going to Star Wars Celebration 4. They have to pay $110 just to get in, and that's without toys of any kind. You should be glad you're being let in to Botcon at all, you cheap bastard!


naladahc said...

Alas, I learned my lesson this year.

We made the mistake of getting airfare before there was anything released about the con so we were kind of committed.

What I'm personally mad about is the fact that I have gone to a lot of of professional conventions over the years all over the US and never once did I reserve hotel rooms and pay for airfair BEFORE I knew the agenda of the convention or forums.

I'll probably dispose of the toys on ebay to a non-attendee to try and recoup my costs and try to get over my guilt of sending in the form.

Evil King Macrocranios said...

Well I know you've felt for a long time that the convention panels and events at Botcons are identical from one year to the next so I can't imagine much they could do this year to change your mind. Still, we don't know anything specifically about the convention events other than the tour of Hasbro's corporate offices and the premiere of the movie. Those seem like pretty unique attractions that no other Botcon has had before or since. They haven't even announced guests beyond the usual suspects so there still may be an advantage in getting ready early. You may still have done the right thing and it could all be worth it.

Most people go for 'the experience' but you write as if that's not enough for you and honestly I don't know what they could do that would ever be enough for you short of a money back guarantee if you're not satisfied. But honestly Nala, I don't think you'll ever be satisfied because you can't let yourself be happy and that's something Botcon can't fix. I think you have a guilt complex that sabotages your happiness with your hobbies but I hope it never goes away because it makes your blog interesting.

And who are we kidding here when you write you'll dump your con exclusives on ebay? I seriously doubt that's going to happen knowing how much you value the number of toy robots in your collection. You wouldn't get rid of those in a million years because you love the rarer stuff and as someone who reads your blog, I enjoy seeing the pictures you take of them.

In the end I hope you have a good time. I'm grateful for fans who support the line financially now because it means there'll be a Botcon in the future if I choose to attend one day. But I'm done shelling out $2,000+ for a plane ride, a place to stay and 10 toy robots just so I can have the basic con experience.


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.