Monday, January 15, 2007

Groceries of the Damned

I have to relate this all before it erases from my memory in 24 hours as all my memories eventually do. I dreamt I was living on the bottom floor of some sort of apartment or small room and it's really dark because it is night time. There is some light from the streetlight nearby and it makes everything slightly glow but I dream mostly in black, white, and shades of grey so everything is still like grey wash even when illuminated brightest.

So I'm in my dark apartment crouching on the ground and all the blinds are pulled shut when I'm peeking out them and I notice a shadowy figure on top of one of the adjacent buildings about two blocks away, carrying his groceries. Why he is carrying his groceries on the roof of the apartment building is not clear to me so I keep watching him. Then I am aware of another person in the room with me and they say, "That guy with the groceries-It's Skeletor!" And I'm like, "HOLY CRAP IT IS SKELETOR! HAND ME THE SNIPER RIFLE!"

Skeletor and his groceries really stuck out because that was the only part of the dream that was in full color. His blue suit and the brown paper bags stood out in stark contrast to the dark grey wash lighting of the rest of my dream.

Why my first inclination was to grab the sniper rifle is beyond me. I guess that ever since I met Darth Vader I have been wary of evil superstars of my childhood. So whoever it was in the room with me hands me the sniper rifle and the next thing I know I'm looking through the scope, aiming at Skeletor and his groceries. For some reason I remmebered the M-16 training I got in Air Force (or was it the owner's manual to Rebel Strike on Gamecube?) about how you have to "lead the target". That means you have to not shoot at exactly where your target is now, but a little bit ahead because that's where it will be when the bullet meets up with it. So I'm aiming and aiming and finally I shoot, but all i do is shoot the bottoms off the grocery bags and all the groceries fall out!

Then Skeletor turns and looks straight at me even though he's two blocks away and like five stories up and he's got this really pissed off look on his face. He just stands there, his chest heaving with his groceries all falling out of his bags, kind of shocked but mostly pissed off at the same time. I can tell he's mad because he doesn't let go of the grocery bags. He just clutches them tighter and tighter to his chest as he stews with rage and I'm thinking, "Oh crap can he see me through the blinds?" YES HE CAN.

So then Skeletor pulls out his own sniper rifle and starts going to town on me and my windows. It's a fierce sniper rifle battle with all sorts of glass breaking and debris flying and loud noises and all hell breaking loose. It is really intense. He has me pinned and I notice he's not only shooting at me, but he's left the roof of the apartment building and he's coming for me on foot! I then lose sight of him and I've run out of bullets! Then everything goes quiet and for some reason I open the front door to my apartment and peek out the corner. SKELETOR IS THERE AND HE HAS BULLETS STILL!

So Skeletor is shooting at me like crazy but luckily my front door is made of bulletproof glass. But it makes little difference because he's just walking right up to me, sniper rifle blazing and he's about to kick my ass. Then at the exact second that he's right on me and all the bulletproof glass from my door shatters, I stick out my hand in slow motion and with one smooth, fluid, ninja-like gesture, I stick my hand in his mouth and grab his spinal cord through his skull and rip off the top part of his head! Whoa! IT WAS THE COOLEST DREAM EVER!


naladahc said...

Um. What's in the air down there?

Evil King Macrocranios said...

NINJA PLEASE!! Don't act like you're so normal there, Mister Flaming Alien Robot Sperm Rockets. Your blog has me scratching my head, going WTF ALL THE TIME.

By the way, the answer to the question is: 100% PURE AWESOME.

Smurfwreck said...

Well if nothing else it's pretty cool that he fought you face to face and didn't end up doing his and He-Man's bear hug roll thing. That'd be disturbing.

naladahc said...

Yes. But you took it to 11.

*snicker* Ninja Please!


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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.