Thursday, November 23, 2006


On my way down to the ice I got to spend about two days in New Zealand, which was fantastic as usual. So green and so alive it was, which stands in stark contrast to Antarctica where I'll spend the next three months. New Zealand is a place where people live in perfect harmony with nature, while in Antarctica nature tries to face fuck you with ice balls.

New Zealand is lush greenery, countless birds flying in formations across the deep blue sky and breathtaking foresty landscapes where the land meets the sea. Oh god I wish I had a flamethrower. I would burn it all down, painting the New Zealand hills red with the blood of a thousand seagulls. I would bury every last square foot of exposed earth in two feet of broken mercurial thermometers, dead double A batteries and roadkill. Then I would rechristen the resulting charred hell "New Toasterland". I would build a castle out of penguin skulls called Mount Cranios. It would be my base of operations where, like Skeletor, I would fight off He-Man and the forces of good.

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.