Roboplastic Factory! PART ONE: Fairy Metal Godmother

Do you believe in the Robotech Fairy? After something pretty Robotechtastical happened to me at the antique store yesterday I'm believing pretty hard. The only explanation I can come up with is that there is a kind, magical metal elf with a pointy fairy hat, colorful fairy wings, a silver fairy wand and giant tank treads for legs who spreads happiness and joy. Usually when I'm Goodwill hunting or yard sailing or dumpster diving or however else I'm looking for old toy robots I rarely ever see anything from the 80s Robotech line. So as an inside-my-head-joke I invented the Robotech Fairy. Whenever I see Robotechs out in the wild I think, 'Hey it looks like the Robotech Fairy was here'. (I also believe in the existence of other mythical creatures like chupacabras, interdimensional time travellers and people who read my blog.)

PETER CULLEN IS NOT AN OTHERDIMENSIONAL DEMONIC SORCERER (BUT HE PLAYED ONE ON T.V. SO I'M SUSPICIOUS)

To appreciate what the Robotech Fairy is up against you have to understand what I call the Cullen Curse. I am not talking about people obsessed with collecting Optimus Primes (which I guess would also apply), but this is another phenomena I have observed relating Peter Cullen to how hard it is to find Robotechs on the cheap. I've noticed a lack of Peter Cullen in the voice cast of an 80s cartoon-as is the case with Robotech-translates into a lack of that show's toys in antique stores and garage sales 30 years later. This is known in my head as the Cullen Curse*. This is why life is miserable if you're into toy robot lines that are not Transformers**.

*Not to be confused with The Sunbow Connection, which is the conspiracy linking the prolifertion of toy robots war cartoons to Peter Cullen's ability to make car payments in 1985.
**It could also be argued that Cullen's portrayal of Optimus Prime nowadays is making life miserable for Transformers fans, too.

ROBOTECH FAIRY ONLY VISITS THE MOST SINCERE GARAGE SALES

Despite the difficulty I've had in finding boxed Battloids and MOSC Minmays I think there is a patron saint of lost causes like Robotech collecting and that magical being is the Robotech Fairy. I believe in her like I believe in Lynn Minmay and the Great Pumpkin. Kind of like a thrift shop Santa Claus, Robotech Fairy leaves highly coveted, super sought after 1980s Robotech model kits at antique stores 30 years later so that unemployed fortysomethings like me can find them and pay dirt cheap prices. That actual truth is probably that old men who've hoarded toy robots all their lives are finally dying off and their families are dumping their collections of toy roboticals at the nearest junk shop where I end up buying the stuff. But I like the 'magical fairy godmother with tank treads' angle. It helps keep me in denial about scary truths like my own inevitable death, the age of things that qualify as antiques nowadays, and the actual desirability of Robotech models.



HOW TO PREPARE FOR INTERGALACTIC WAR AND SAVE MONEY DOING IT

When by some Christmas miracle I do come across anything Robotech, the occasion is so momentous that just the idea that it occurred almost overshadows whatever it was I found. So imagine my amazement at the antique store yesterday

when I saw not some loose broken figures or robot party plates, but a giant colossal 29 inch wide, 12 inch tall Robotech model kit from around 1985 for $25.99! It was just sitting there on the shelf amongst all the Jar Jars and Captain Plasmas. I started freaking out because these things were like holy grails that last time I checked. So I whipped out my phone to do some secondary market price researching and the first thing I found was a ShopGoodwill.com auction for two of these Robotech Factory sets. Both of them sold in one lot earlier this June for 56 bucks. Based on that auction on my phone and the tag on the box in front of me I figured they're pretty common now and 25 bucks is about the going price. But to me this was still a mega find. I think it's the largest boxed Robotech kit Revell ever released. It's like over 400 pieces and a huge two foot wide diorama when completed. The Robotech Fairy didn't just visit this store, she backed up her U-Haul and dumped a giant robot junkyard on that shelf!



YOUR KIDNEYS ARE GOOD BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT IS YOUR TOYS

I am sure that in the next ten thousand posts I will share all the intimate details of Robotech Factory. For now I am just stunned that I found one here in the heart of nowhere, the Tatooine of the toy robot scene, the North Pole of the deep south, the place the locals call Middle Georgia. I also wonder about the previous owner and his decision to move on from collecting robot models. Is he dead? Did he just decide to let go of his robots? Did the Robotech Fairy kill him for his stuff? Whatever happened I am grateful that at least part of his collection has found its way into mine. When the time comes I know a lot of people would rather do unspeakably selfish and horrific things to their robots like have a bonfire or throw them all in the trash or sell them on ebay. But this man chose to do the honorable thing and pass it on to some junk dealer at the antique store so that I could get it cheap. You too should think of the disposition of your Robotechs after you die and make the selfless decision to leave them to others. Please think of the joy your Robotechs can give and then mark the little square on your driver license identifying you as a Robotech donor. It is so important!

The Last Transformers I Will Ever Buy-Masterpiece Bluestreak and Takara Legends LG-10 Arcee

I've had a great run collecting Transformers but it's time to move on. After much contemplation, I've decided I want to finish off my collection with two pieces so memorable, so truly special that they will be worthy of the honor of being my very last Transformers. They will be figures that when I look at them on the shelf I will cry because they embody the emotional significance of the end of my Transformers journey. They will remind me forevermore of how wonderful my life was made over the past 31 years by Hasbro's special recipie of little robotic puzzle people made from plastic and metal and rubber. They will be the capstones of my Transformers collection and my rite of passage into a true manhood where I collect only old Macross models from Bandai. And so I have decided Masterpiece Bluestreak and Takara Arcee will be the absolutely very last Transformers I ever buy.



I WAS AFRAID YOU'D BE LAST OUTSIDE THE CITY

Can there be any greater milestones in the history of Transformers collecting than the release of these two never before produced holy grails? For thirty years the appearance of a Diaclone blue hooded Fairlady in the 1984 Hasbro pack in catalog has haunted collectors who never found one in Transformers packaging. For almost as long collectors have wanted a figure of the Princess Leia of The Transformers The Movie-Arcee. Now finally after all these decades I get to own figures of these mythical legends of Transformers collecting. There can be no better ending to my Transformers story than owning these unicorns, these previously thought impossible fantasies. I'm as sure that I'm done with Transformers as I am certain that that no better versions of Bluestreak or Arcee will ever be made. So that is why, with great pride and humility, I have decided Masterpiece Bluestreak and Takara Legends LG-10 Arcee are the very last Transformers I will ever buy.