Tuesday, April 01, 2008

!is it Sweet How

As the local appearance by prolific sci-fi/fantasy illustrator Darrel K. Sweet approaches, I find myself tormented by the idea that if I went to see the guy I would be a total poser because I don't have a single book he did the cover for. This poser crisis has gripped me for about a week now, during which time my wife was Amazoning some books that he did the covers for. I see now that while I was having an emo meltdown over whether or not I was worthy to be in the presence of king of the Deericorns, I should have just gone out and done something about it.

I don't think my self perceived lack of fan credibility is all that crazy. It's important to me to at least be remotely familiar with the work of whatever artist I get to meet, even if we don't really meet and all I do is watch from the back of the room while he teaches little kids how to draw castles and dragons. I like to be prepared, and in the kind of way that shows I know what I was talking about. I just don't want to come across as a fan dumbass. The kind of guy who would ask Simon Furman to sign a Transformers comic book that he did not write. The kind of guy who would ask Yngwie Malmsteen to play Freebird. The kind of guy that would ask James Earl Jones to say "Live Long and Prosper" in his Darth Vader voice (although that would be somewhat interesting).

So Mr. Sweet has done over 3,000 drawings and paintings and I worry that there will be a time during his appearance where he'll look out upon the audience and ask, "Okay now, how many books do each of you have that feature my cover art?" It will be like judgment day, except if god was the guy who did the 1982 Lord of the Rings calendar. And each of the five people in the front row will answer "All of them" while I keep thinking, "Damnit, I should have bought that damn calendar from ebay," and wondering about how to bring up the whole deericorns thing. And when he gets to me I will hold up the copy of the Last Unicorn book my wife bought from Amazon and I will say, "Yes I have had this book ever since it came out and I have no others of your work because I never go outside on account of the furious masturbating I do to your unicorn drawings."

I'm reading the announcement about his appearance and what is especially intimidating to me is the idea that "Teens and adults are encouraged to bring their sketch books for tips and critiques from Darrell." I can totally see a situation unfolding where I am the only guy there without a tryptzillion page sketchbook of dragon and unicorn drawings to be critiqued by the man. And when everybody notices this they will kick me out and I will be pelted with paintbrushes and twenty sided dice. BUT I DO HAVE ONE DRAWING I COULD SHOW HIM.

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Evil King Macrocranios was voted king by the evil peoples of the Kingdom of Macrocrania. They listen to Iron Maiden all day and try to take pictures of ghosts with their webcams.